1. they walk through the door- Sometimes we just wanna have a relaxing day at work and not do shit, that’s more like all the time. So when customers come in through the door, it brings up a feeling of dread of things to come. And depending if we know the customer, we already know if this is gunna be a difficult transaction or a descent one. I do have my favorite customers and I have the ones that I hope die in a fiery crash and are singed beyond recognition. They are just that fucking annoying. Also, when customers walk through the door and they’re all loud and crazy, I’m already don’t wanna take your order because your all drunk or high or still in high school. Some people are really nice and others are just assholes. As they come through the door and reach the counter, they’re barking their order. Jesus give people a minute. Idk man, I don’t do these things when I go to fast food places. I don’t see why people have to act this way. But what I learned from working with the public, people really are fucking stupid, rude, and inconsiderate . I understand now why people hate Americans when they travel to other countries. If this how you act in your own country just ordering fast food, then I don’t wanna know how you are abroad trying to get some fish and chips. Wankers.
2. whisper in my ear or just deafen me- I really fucking hate this sooooo much. I hate when people whisper their orders to me like they’re telling me secrets of their childhood. I can’t fucking hear you!!! I have to lean over the counter and practically put my ear to their mouth just to hear what they’re saying. On the drive thru it’s even fucking worse. There’s only so much you turn up the volume. The reason why this is so annoying beyond the obvious, is because we honestly can’t hear you. It is so loud where we are, you really need to speak up cuz we can’t hear shit. Between people yelling out orders, banging of the spatula, the shake machine rattling, the beeping of the fry unit, things banging open and closed, other people getting their order taken, it’s really fucking loud. So sorry if I can’t hear your secret order. Write it down next time, then I can understand what you’re saying. On the opposite spectrum is when people are waaaaaay too fucking loud. If I’m in the front, I’ll back away from the counter. I’m not having my ear drums get blown out just because you don’t know how to speak at a normal decibel. And I’m the queen of being frightened easily, so when guys just yell there order out at the counter like this is a saloon, I tend to jump. Why are you yelling at me? Stop yelling. I can hear you just fucking fine just speak normal. God, don’t people have a voice between whispering and yelling? Idk, maybe a normal speaking voice? When I’m on the drive through it’s even worse. Listen people, you’re at the speaker. We can hear everything and anything that goes on in that car. Stop fucking yelling at people. It blows my ear drums out and makes me jump into the air. I especially hate when it’s ladies with really annoying voices yelling at the top of the lungs like they’re in a sea of people at a concert. Relax guys, we can hear you. I tend to just lower the volumes and go shhhhh to the speaker. Sometimes they’re so loud you can still hear them really clearly. Also the people in the front can hear you. So stop screaming folks, but don’t fucking whisper either. Have some control over yourselves.
3. drunk, high, or just fucked up- I have dealt with my fair share of heroine addicts, crack heads, and drunkards working at this god forsaken place. You’d think I worked at a brothel. They first time I had to deal with them, I thought a camera crew would come in and Intervention would start. How are we supposed to be nice and patient to people that can barely stand up straight? Like wtf? I had this one lady who sat down and just started cursing. God only knows at what. It was pretty funny and I wanted to know what drug she was on so I would never take that shit. She looked so crazy just sitting there and yelling: Fuck you, fucking bitch! Fuck off! Leave my shit alone! I’ll fucking punch you in the face! Ahh good times. One guy was def on heroine, and doing the nod and just was bent at the knees and slowly going down down down. Nearly ripped the credit card machine out because that’s what he anchored himself onto. Tried to take his order numerous times but insisted I already took it. Clearly not. Apparently he wanted KFC and he was totally at the wrong place and sent him up the street. On night shift, I heard of girls just coming in with just a shirt and underwear, or customers asking, hey got any pussy back there? Dealing with drugged out, whacked people are the worst. They’re always using in the bathrooms like this is their personal opium den, and they never know wtf they want. And no doubt it, they’re leaving a huge fucking mess for us to clean up. And they’re super broke cuz they spent all they’re money on crack. One guy, I guess he was drinking all night, was in the front room all morning and I had work at 7am. He refused to leave and when he did he kept coming back. He kept shouting for us to call the ambulance for him because he was dying. He also kept drinking cuz he had another 6 pack of beers in his bag. My manger locked the doors and blocked both entrances with garbage cans. He still kept trying to come in and that whole scene was pretty funny. People, you’re a fucking mess. Omg, I never knew people drank so damn early. 10 am and your breath smells of pure beer? Jeez. That’s when I back up from the counter, way back, and lean to punch your order in. Rancid.
4. do you take credit or debit?- Omg if I had a fucking nickel. I honestly would be so fucking rich it wouldn’t be funny. Like are you serious? This is an actual business. It’s the year 2013. They have food trucks for god’s sake. Why wouldn’t we accept credit cards? This is not Jim Bob’s Fish Shack from down the road. Get it together people, really. I swear someone’s gunna ask me that and I’m just gunna snap, I really am. I usually just answer with an of course. I nearly wanna go a duuuh. But I have some restraint… some.
5. making stupid jokes- I really hate when customers make jokes and they think they’re sooo fucking funny. You’re not. That’s why you’re ordering burgers and not on stage at a comedy club. Because you fucking suck. I already hafta laugh at all the old people when they make joke s cuz they’re old. All they have are corny jokes and anecdotes about the war, or when burgers when 5 cents. Also, I’ve heard the same jokes a million fucking times. If I had a nickel. So to hear the same jokes all day from old people, and then again from everyone else… I’m sorry if I can barley manage more than a slight smile. Also, your jokes are soooo wack, and I’m busy. I don’t have time to listen to this and do everything else I have to do, it’s ridiculous and you’re wasting my time. If you were hot it’s one thing, but they’re never hot. One guy made a joke because of the prices like oh you gotta pay for the napkins too? And I was like no, napkins are right over there sir. Oh I was just making a joke. And all I could do was hang my head and sigh. And I let out a very mournful, I knooow. Just stop, it’s not funny, you’re not Kevin Heart, it ain’t working out. I can’t tell how many times I’ve heard, oh I just made that bill in my basement, or I remember when these burgers were 5 cents, oh! That’s too much money, jk… Ugh just really fucking annoying. So next time you make a corny joke, just think of how many people made it before you.
6. you’re really mean, then try to be nice, we don’t make the rules- I hate, really really really fucking hate when customers are nasty to you even after you try to do everything for them or try to explain why you can’t do certain things. WE don’t make the fucking rules we just have to follow them. WE will actually get fired, no joke, if we don’t do things by the book. Do you think we wanna do half the bullshit we hafta do? Hell no. So try to make our depressing lives a lil better by not being assholes about it. We do not make the rules about how things have to be done. If we were you wouldn’t be talking to us, those people are in cooperate. There’s a reason why people say I just work here. Because it’s true. I just work here, I follow the rules, this is a part of my job. I do not make the rules so please refrain from cursing at people and acting like rabid dogs about. Don’t be really fucking mean to us, see that you’re wrong or realize that you’re being a straight up dick, and then try to be nice about it. Don’t be fucking nice to me, just APOLOGIZE. What I would give for a sincere apology, like I’m really sorry for yelling at you like you’re an idiot, or like this life and death and not just a fast food restaurant. God, people really need to relax. This food we’re talking about. No wonder the world goes to shit if anything apocalyptic were ever to happen. People when they’re hungry, are just complete dicks. At least that’s what it seems like to me. So please, wipe the foam from your mouth and try to act like a normal person, an actual human being with a sense of reasoning. As much as we may smile in your face, or just frown, and not saying anything, we secretly wish for death to be in the next few mins. Or we conspire how we’re gunna burn down the joint, or just shoot it up. One of these days…
7. the drive thru speaker- I really hate it when say may I take your order and you hear nothing back. Then I’m just standing there like an asshole, waiting for to get your shit together, only for you to scream at me : HELLO HELLO! Listen bitch, I asked may I take your order, you decided not to answer. Or they think they’re soo funny, sooo cute and go: Are you ready? For god sake’s just answer me the first time, I’ve been ready. I usually tell them, I’m waiting on you. Just say: I need a min, yes just one second please. For god sake’s anything at all will do. I hate that so much. I’m talking to you and you’re not answering. Are you dead? Why are you in the drive thru then? And how loud do I hafta be just for you to answer me? Too loud, I have an attitude. Of course I do because you’re an asshole and I just wanna stab you in the face. I hate when people tell me that their order is to go. You’re on the fucking drive thru, where else is it going?
8. the front room, dining area- Why, why, why, why, why are people so fucking dirty and disgusting? This is what goes on at your house? This is not an actual restaurant where you leave tips. This is fast food. I gotta clean this shit. Why leave all your crap all over the tables? I have never done that. I can’t understand that. What is so hard about throwing out your garbage? Like why is that really really really difficult for people? I will never understand that. And why would throw trays in the garbage? Like wtf man? Seriously? It makes no sense to me why these simple, everyday, ordinary tasks are so difficult for people. Just reminds me everyday that people really are fucking idiots. I don’t understand why it looks like Casper’s uncles came to visit, and there’s just a bunch chewed up, gross stuff all over the floors. We are not animals. I’m not saying this is the Queen’s palace but my goodness, have some public decency or an ounce of respect for yourself. I love it when customers tell me, oh it’s dirty, can you clean it? I didn’t fuckin dirty it so don’t act like I did it on purpose so you couldn’t sit down. Sometimes it’s so busy and we can barley move from our positions, much less see if the front room is dirty. Sorry if a pack of rabid wolves ate were you sat, but it’s not like I told them to do it. I don’t mind cleaning your table if it’s really that bad, but I hate when there’s three crumbs and you want me to wipe the table off. Is this a fucking joke? While you sit there smiling and saying thanks. Bitch you could’ve got a napkin and done it yourself. I always wipe the table off myself when I eat at fast food places, I have never asked anyone to do it for me. This is not Applebee’s. Fucking fast food. And at least give me a dollar, something. I had old people give me a dollar for doing nothing, and these people won’t give you shit. All those napkins you took out the box and left on the counter, I put them back, all those lids you have all over the place I put them back. I’m not throwing nothing out. You wanna be nasty, stay nasty. This is not a third world country, no need to act like that.
9. people really are that fucking stupid- You don’t know how many times I get asked what’s the difference between the original burger and a cheese burger. One has cheese and the other doesn’t. Again, if I had a nickel. And just when they order in general, they ask the dumbest questions. I can’t even think of any cuz it’s just so ridiculous. And I never knew how many people can’t read or say the word jalapeno. I know you’ve come in contact with that word before. It’s in food, like I don’t understand how you don’t know how to say it. The ways they say it: they pronounce the j, jalappypeeno, japenese, jalappy, chipotle, etc. I can’t understand why people struggle over saying such a simple word. It makes me really sad for Americans. We really are dumb. Also, when people take 5 years just to make an order, I usually just stand there and stare like, are you fucking kidding me? Also, if you’re really annoying or just an asshole, I look behind me to check for a camera crew and go: Is this a joke? Or I just rub the bridge of my nose or rub my temples because you’re giving me a fucking migraine. I sigh really loudly. I try to take a lotta deep breathes. Patients I have lost since working here. This is not a math test you’re studying for, not life or death, no cut the blue or red wire. Just ordering food that feeds your belly. Step to the fucking side if you can’t get it together. I hate when they go: I guess I’ll have… you’re sure or you’re not sure?, is that all?… you tell me I’m not ordering you are, just give me a bunch of burgers. Like is that a joke? What kind? How many? Get your life together people! You’re not old and you’re not a baby. I shouldn’t not have to hold your hand so you can order properly. I also can’t stand when people in the front room ask for lids and straws. It’s right above the soda machine. Like it’s attached. Like you’re eye level with it. You have to be at least 3 years old to not see it at all. I don’t understand because all you have to do is look up, or just straight ahead of you like wtf. Right fucking there. One guy was asking about what drinks we have, and I told him everything’s outside so he can do it himself. So he goes over to the machine which was 2 feet away from him, how do you miss that? Looking at the flavors, oh ok so where do I get the cups? This guy didn’t pay yet or finish his order. Why would you stop half way thru an order to fill up your drinks? And why would they be outside? It’d be a fucking free for all. I’m just like, you get the cups when you pay. Which reminds me of how many times people have asked for a receipt and have not payed yet. And how many times people don’t believe when I tell them I can’t print it up unless you pay. Can I get a receipt? You only get one when you pay for something. Oh. This is not Sears or T.J. Maxx, I can’t be printing shit all ladi dadi. Fucking pay first .
10. you want everything in the god damn world, and you want me to give it to you- Relax people. It’s just sauce. Stop coming to the counter every 5 seconds just to annoy the shit outta my life. Can I have some ketchup? Can I have more? Do you have ranch? Barbecue? Chipotle? Buffalo? Honey Mustard? Yellow Mustard? Fresh lemons? Sweet and Low? Sugar? Napkins? Hand sanitizer? Gloves? A box of pickles? But like more? Can I have all the sauces? Throw everything in there, one of each, this whole list I just rattled off to you. Better memorize it because I’m the only person in the store. Can I have a plastic bag? A big one? Brown bag? Like 5. Can I get like 30 honey mustards? I’ll give you a dollar. Can I get a plate? 3 plates? A plate with ketchup? Jesus Christ people. There are other customers in the store besides just you. Relax, you’re not gunna die if you don’t get everything you want. Harassing our nerves every damn minute like a house maid. Even the wenches at Medieval Times get treated better than this. Ugh my life is sooo going down the drain. This place has sucked the last of my youth outta me. I have no life or feelings to regard towards people. I really hate people now.
Well, guess I should get a different job right? Totally working on it when I’m not sleeping my life away or have Netflix marathons and ordering enough chinese food to feed a baby elephant. So when you’re at a fast food place, please be nice. We had a long rough day. Unless they’re an asshole to you first. But please try to be considerate and have some patience. It’s only food. I am human and I probably am smarter than you. I have and associates degree in creative writing and graduated with honors. So think twice before you think we are all just dumb asses. We’re not but on a level we are for dealing with you people. One of my reg customers heard me get screamed at on the drive thru for no reason other than that person was a big asshole. He said, don’t worry about that guy. What a mother fucker. If that was his daughter he wouldn’t want anyone to talk to them like that. And that is so true. If I honestly don’t deserve to be talked to that way, then don’t. I could be your daughter, friend, niece, or cousin. So just be a little more fucking considerate. Cuz all of us are basically one the edge and maybe that will be the day we burn that fuckin hell hole down. Or I just dunk my head in the fry unit. Fried skull anyone?