Top 10 Questions I Want to Ask Drake

Sometimes I would like to be one of those people that have a really cool YouTube channel. But that’s never gunna happen, blog’s daring enough for me. But I would like to interview celebs and stuff and ask the real hard hitting questions we’d all like to know the answer to. And I have some questions for you Drake.

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My Interview with Aubrey Drake Graham. (I wiiiiissh!)

1. What’s the deal with Canada, man? Why don’t you ever rap about it? Did you forget you’re from Canada? I mean you started from the bottom, and that’s as bottom as you can get. Rap about Canada please. They miss you.

2. Speaking of Canada, do you ever visit Degrassi? Hang out with Spinner and Marco?

3. Um, someone forgot about Craig. Dude, where’s Craig? Shouldn’t you be helping him out now? Smh, I thought you guys were friends. Why don’t you hang out with Craig, dude?

4. Would you really murder Amanda Bynes’ vagina?

5. Did you develop the motto YOLO after your character Jimmy Brooks got shot in the back? Cuz I’d totally understand that.

6. Sooo, on the weekends, are you just Aubrey? Or is that still Drake?

7. Sooo, you like your eyebrows that thick, or are they weapons in disguise?

8. Did you use those weapons against Chris Brown when you guys had that altercation? They do some damage bro.

9. Didja really fuck Nicki? Or was that all hype and eyebrows? And if so, how was DAT ASS?

10. Did you ever find her loving? Did you ever find her heart? That’s all I ever wanted to know.

Well I hope one day Drake will sit down with me and answer these very important questions. That would be one fun interview!

Top 10 Ladies of Hollywood I Would Go Gay For

This list isn’t in any particular order or rank or anything. Just the girls of Hollywood that I love so much I would go gay for. This doesn’t mean that I only think these ladies are gorgeous and no one else, totally wrong. There are so many of them that I think are stunning but these ones I actually wanna do, have a relationship with, and just have good time with. These ladies I wanna see naked. lol So here’s my list and I hope you agree or at least I opened your eyes to some new ladies.

1. Angelina Jolie- Let’s start with an oldie but goodie. I started my girl crush with when she was on the back of that motorcycle with a long braid down her back and just kicking ass. Thank you Tomb Raider. But you cannot deny her beautiful eyes and how amazing those lips are (runs in the fam). Also, this bitch can act the shit outta anything. I know this lady likes it rough which is exactly the way I like things. I def would have so much fun with her and she would not bat an eye at all the crazy shit we def would do. Also, I can’t hate on her at all for stealing Brad away from Jen. She’s so typical American beauty, boring, so me to safe. Angelina may be crazy, but also very rare and a strong independent woman that doesn’t give a fuck what people think about her. What’s better than that? And if she can steal Brad away and still keep him around with all those kids that are his and not, then I applaud her. I can’t say as much for Jen.

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2. Rose McGowan- Ever since I’ve seen her pale skin, and full lips on Charmed, I was hooked. I don’t know what it is about her but I find her to be so fucking gorgeous. I love her skin, her eyes, her lips, and her body is amazing. I love her most with red hair, black hair, dark brown hair, even light brown looks amazing on her. She has such a great voice and it’s like she time traveled here from another era. They like to say old soul but this lady looks like she did pin ups alongside Betty Paige. I watched all her old movies, such an indie girl, there’s no reason not to love her. She can be so sweet and then yet extremely seductive like a 1940s vixen ready to take all your money and then some. I know I would definitely have a roaring good time with this lady.

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3. Evan Rachel Wood- I first seen her in 13, and really liked her as an actress. After that, I stalked her career. She’s also an indie girl, which I love. Then I just fell in love with her. The looks that she gives that say more than words ever could, her eyes when she pouts, and those forever long legs. She looks like she’d be aggressive, which I so would love and when I heard she was bi, I was super excited. Not like I ever was gunna be in a relationship with her for real, but a girl can dream. She did say she’s like the guy in the relationship, sigh. Love. I loved her role in True Blood. Her character was so glamorous and over the top. I love her as red head as well. And I dunno I just find her really really hot lol. She’s married to Jamie Bell now, which I am SOOO happy about because I love him and I love them together. And they’re having their first kid together! So super happy! Love ya lady!

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4. Eva Mendes- I love this lady so much. She def has the body. Omg her figure is amazing to me. I love 50s style silhouettes on her. The pencil skirts look amazing on her. I would love her in anything really. I can’t tell you when I first fell in love with her golden brown skin or sultry eyes but I do know that I can’t take my eyes off her in whatever she’s in. She has such an amazing laugh and I think we would have a good time together fooling around and such. She seems very light hearted and knows how to have a good time. I looove love love her and Ryan Gosling together. Screw everyone that keeps wanting him to get back together with Rachel McAdams. She’s gorgeous too, but come on. This is like Angelina vs. Jennifer all over again. And you know what team I’m on. I’m sorry but I’m all over exotic beauty rather than regular American beauty standards. And this bitch’s body be banging. So have fun with her for me, Ryan!

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5. Scarlett Johansson- Where do I even begin? I have no clue where or when Scarlett popped into my eye line but I am thankful she did. Of course I stalked her movies as well. This girl is just so beautiful, til it hurts. Her boobs are amazing. She’s def one of the first girl crushes whose boobs I really wanted to squeeze, omg they look amazing. I love her voice, her smooth skin, and her lips. They’re so full and she always has them scrunched up a kind of way or in a smirk. This girl can give me scarlet fever any day, my god she is just so amazingly hot. Of course I love her as a red head. I was kinda happy when they were hacking celebs phones so I can enjoy all those amazing shots people took, especially of her. Amazing! Can we just get naked? I’m sweatin already 😛

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6. Kat Dennings- OMG booooobs. Love her soooo much. Her body is freakin killer. Such a little waist and stuff and just an amazing chest. Omg I can’t help but wanna see her out of her 2 Broke Girls uniform. I always loved her since she did a show called Raising Dad. I thought she was beautiful and amazing and it only built from there. By career stalking. Also, she’s such a great actress and I love her voice as well and her lips. My goodness those are crazy amazing. She just has such a great face. How much more can a girl ask for in one girl? I love when she laughs and that character she plays is so sarcastic and funny, and I def know that she’s the same. I’ve seen her on Craig Ferguson. AMAZING! I don’t think I have anymore ways to say I love this bitch. I would love to have fun with you, like, a lotta fun, like waaay too much fun.

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7. Amanda Seyfried- We are continuing on with boobs. I always thought she was beautiful with her big green eyes, her full lips, and amazing voice. Yes, I have a thing for voices, if you haven’t noticed. Some peoples’ voices just sound so amazing and are a real turn on for me. I love when guys have really nice deep voice or soft ones, depends. Anyway, besides her being a natural blonde and have great glowing skin, she has an amazing rack, and no one bothered to tell me this. I fell in love with this chick when I saw her in Chloe. OMG talk about when did you fall in love? Her boobs are so amazing and beautiful and I def wanna squeeze those. When I asked all my guy friends if they knew that she had an amazing rack, they said they did. I’m like waaahh? Where was my newsletter on that? Def got lost. I’m usually up on these kind of things. But at least I found out. Better late than never.

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8. Christina Hendricks- Now you really know it’s boobie time. She’s a red head, looove already. She has such a lovely face, wide set lips, with a long swan like neck. I never knew what people meant when they said swan like neck but she’s a perfect example of that. She has a beautiful long neck with beautiful pale skin. All leading to the leading ladies. Man, I don’t think I never wanted to see another woman’s boobs as much as hers. Like whoa,  they are just so huge looking and amazing and the rest of her body looks so great, like I just wanna see them! My brain could not comprehend they’re greatness and so grateful when her phone was hacked and they put me outta my misery and into my glory. That was a good week lol. I love her on Mad Men in those pencil skirts, omg enough to blow you’re mind. Her husband is so lucky to say the least.

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9. Emma Stone- I loved this bitch ever since Superbad. Who didn’t? She’s hot, she’s funny, amazing red head, of course lol. The blonde is growing on me. Idk what it is about her but I feel like we’d fool around and she’d make jokes, and we’d both laugh and have a great time. I feel like she would just try to make me feel comfortable as the whole thing would probably be awkward at first. Of course I career stalk her and love everything she’s in which makes me love her even more. She’s the funny girl of Hollywood and you always need someone to make laugh. Love love love her. And I couldn’t be any happier for her and Andrew Garfield. Soooo hot. Love it! Love her… You can tickle me any day lady 😀

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10. Amber Heard- I think I the first time I really recognized her was in The Stepfather. But I really loved her in Drive Angry and The Rum Diary. This girl is so gorgeous like how much prettier can she get? She has a great smile, beautiful face, great bod, all that hair. Idk but she just makes me wanna yell: stop looking so good! It must hurt to look that great all the time. She just looks amazing to me every time I see her and it’s like alright, the only way I can get over this, is if we both get naked. From then on she was on my list of ladies. I’m just looking forward to seeing her in many more movies looking incredibly hot, so hot that I can’t take it. Lady, chill with being so hot all the damn time! lol

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Well, in conclusion, you might can tell that I love red heads, boobies, and nice voices in the ladies. But really, what all these amazing ladies have in common is that they’re all amazingly talented and you gotta be crazy not to love them. I always said if I ever were to go gay, they had to be a celeb and they have to be really fucking hot. I didn’t go into super detail because their beauty speaks for themselves and we’ll be here forever if I list all the things I find hot about them or what I would want to do with them. I’m always adding to my list as ladies are rarely anything but amazing. So maybe one day in the future, I would get lucky enough to stumble upon one these ladies and get the chance to find out what I think is true… Sigh, one can dream. Love ya ladies! And I wanna do bad things with you… all of you 😀

I’m Sucha Grandma

Hey guys! For all of you that have left messages for me and I didn’t respond until now, I am truly sorry. I kept seeing I had comments but I had no clue where they were or how to see them. I just figured it out now. Smh. I’m such an old lady when it comes to technology. I realized all of them were in my spam. When I tell my co worker tomorrow, he’s just gunna laugh at me and say: FAIL. So don’t think I was busy, or just didn’t give a shit, I’m just computarded.  But thank you so much for the feed back. I really needed that.

This Week On…

If I finally got a reality tv show about how much my life sucks, this week def would’ve been a good week. This week, my brother decides to tell us he signed up for the marines and a friend of mine since high school reveals he had liked me ever since then. My brain is just on fuckin overload here. It is not helping that I am post menstrual and it’s all I can do from eating all the ice cream in the world (or just my kitchen), and having Netflix marathons.

 

I’m not really sure how I feel about my brother joining the marines. I understand it’s his decision and there’s nothing I can really do to change that but I’m not really sure I understand the reason why. My mom was pretty upset by it but I guess she’s coming around now since she told my brother she wants me to join the marines so I can lose weight. Thanks mom, because my life is just one big fat joke. I think I rather to have been fat all my life instead of really skinny and then getting really fat. Because there’s no knowing of what I could’ve looked like. But all my mom can remember is how much better I looked skinny. Like I don’t already know that. Anyway, it’s just all very strange because it is not at all him or his personality. I just hope he’ll be able to get through it.

 

This whole week has just been a drag. Getting my ladytime bright and early on Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day! You’re not a mother and thank god, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t wanna kill everyone in a 5 mile radius. Not like I needed to worry about that, I’m a virgin. So this whole week I have been drowning in my depression, especially due to my ladytime, who this round, decided to take my emotions and strangle me with it until I couldn’t breathe. It just was a frustrating week for me. From having basically no hours from work, no one to really hang with, and just wanting to be drunk the whole time. The only thing I was really happy about was seeing The Great Gatsby, of course by myself. I was glad I saw it. It was like being whisked off to a beautiful dream and everything seemed like one endless music video party. Baz is def a genius. If you want anyone to adapt a story, it is this guy. Everything was beautiful, it’s what dreams are made of, and what the movies should be. That escape was more than needed. Especially since it was one of those days were there was a crack in my mask, and I wasn’t able to hide all that is underneath it. It can be so exhaustive hiding that you’re miserable all the time, no matter how sarcastic you are about it or seem to truck on. It still really fuckin sucks. That day was all I could do from break down into hysterics and cry my life away. Who knows why. It’s everything I let bottle up inside me and rot away until there’s nothing left but sorrow. I even had an anxiety attack. Over what? I don’t know. It’s like things try to get out but my body panics and tries to fight it, and I, I just don’t know what I’m fighting. I just know everything hurts, everything is just so terribly unbearable, and completely suffocating.

It was all I could do to write this. All I did today was sleep. Who sleeps this much? Like really, what is wrong with me? Sometimes I think yeah, I’ve been getting more and more depressed over the last few years, but it’s in moments like these were I really see it. When all I wanna do is sleep, when I just wanna lay in bed and not move. Not even to just watch Netflix, or any of my shows, to read, to write, to do anything. Sometimes I just stare and lay there. Thinking I guess and screaming at myself because I could be doing something but I just can’t. I just really fuckin can’t. Sometimes, I don’t wanna move or ever leave my bed. My bed, my best friend, my only friend. Always there for me. It’s my place of refuge. I do everything in my bed. It’s all I can do from leaving it. I wanna stay here and drown my life away. It’s very comfortable here. But today, on a Saturday that I rarely get off, I should’ve done something, anything really. I kinda had plans, even with just myself but, Idk. Somehow I awoke, realizing that I slept my fuckin life away. I’m not extremely tired that I know of or in the least bit over worked. I have no clue what brought on my hibernation of the day. The black waves of sleep just kept pulling me under and under until I woke up to find the whole world dark and the day gone without me.

 

Even while writing this, it’s all I could do from going back to sleep and drifting into a never ending coma. I keep thinking about writing and what I want to say. It’s during these times that I always think about my stories and what I want to write. I see them float over my eyes and all I want to do is get the stories out of me. Why can’t I just write them down? Tell them like I want to, like they’re begging me to? I am the biggest self sabotager. It’s like my second favorite thing to do to myself, sabotage. I always stop myself, physically and mentally. I started to get panic/anxiety attacks every time I tried to write. I had to start writing it in a book instead of on my laptop, and that seemed to calm me down. But of course I’ve stopped writing again. On and off. On and off.

 

 

And another thing that makes me never wanna wake up again: my little moment on the Friendzone. At least it felt like I was on the episode of that.  I don’t know what to do about the whole friend thing. I wanna be like Schmidt on the season finale of New Girl, and just run. But we all know he better pick CeeCee! But I just wanna run from making any decision at all. I am scared of myself and what I really want. As much as I always wanna be in a relationship, am I really ready? I’ve been on my own for so long, I’m not sure I know how to be with someone, or if I even truly want to. And I don’t know what I really want. Is it because it is a friend? I’m wondering if it was someone I didn’t really know that well, would I have even cared? I really really really don’t know what I want. And I really am not sure if I wanna see him tomorrow and try to figure that out. I don’t think I wanna figure any of it out. I just wanna go back to bed and sleep. Sleep through all of it.

 

But I highly doubt Sleeping Beauty would make much of a reality show, and probably why I don’t have one. No one wants to watch a fat chick sleep all the time.

Shit Guys Say to Me

I have sooo much random shit guys have been saying to me from the time I was able to be looked at that way. And not looked at that way. Guys are just major creepers. And that shit comes from guys that are closest to you. But today, at work, it’s what this one customer said to me in the drive thru that made me hafta break my depressive non writing cycle and try to put something out there. Even if it is just something little.

 

Me- Would you like any ketchup or anything?

Guy in the drive thru- Naaaah, but umm… you don’t smoke or anything?

Me- Uhh… no

Guy in the drive thru- Aiiggghhtt

Me, I run away lol. Like wtf kind of pick up line is that? Not that I don’t like to smoke, I never really had the chance or opportunity to yet. And none of my friends are being very helpful about it. They all tell me to smoke but I have yet to with any of them so I can actually do it like wtf guys? Thanks for helping me out. But yeah, that’s how I get asked out. Great. I’ll def find my prince that way. fml

 

 

 

Me and this dude have known each other since high school and we always been on and off. And lately I’ve always been around, with or without him having a gf.

 

Me- Why do you always make me the side chick?

Dude- You’re not the side chick.

Me- Are you serious? You have a gf and you still hit me up every time. That makes me the side chick.

Dude- Well… that’s not the case. but that’s the case.

Me- That doesn’t make any sense.

Dude- Yeah I know.

 

This is what I have to deal with. *Sigh* This always happens to me. I’m always the friend with benefits and then they dump and somehow get a gf outta no where. Then they still hit me up and I’m just like, wtf dude? Am I always just gunna be the side chick for everyone? Just really annoying. Guys are the worst.

 

 

– You need a really nice white guy.

– You need a really nice white guy that likes it rough.

 

This was from two different guys I was dating and they are both spanish. Idk why they both said white guys. They said that seems what my type is like and that’s true but obviously I like spanish guys too. I can like more than one race. I mostly go for spanish guys. Anyway, they both said I really deserved that because I really should be treated really nicely I guess. I think they both wanted me to be with someone that they know I would like but more like someone they know would actually treat me right in the way I truly deserved or something.  Like even though I was with them, they knew they weren’t the best for me and I deserved more. I was never that girl that was in a relationship. My longest ones only last til 3 months. I feel like that’s the cut off because I’m cursed. I’m just cursed in that if I have a bf it only last til 3 months or that if it is just fwb, it’ll last long but they always find gfs and leave me with nothing. Not that a white guy will solve all this but it would be nice to date one. I find so many of them cute but I feel they think I’m weird, and they also don’t know nothing about all this lady lumps I’m carrying. Let’s say I’m fat lol. But yeah, I find a lot of different people attractive but they never like me back, no matter what race they are. I’m just this weirdo person, idk. And when they do, I never understand it. It confuses me and I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and run outta there like hell.

The whole likes it rough thing…. uh well that definitely would be beneficial. I can just be a little aggressive, just a little.

 

 

 

This long haired guy and me, at a bar that’s empty, he’s way ahead of me in drinks. I only just joined in the night out. He’s feeling nice and makes a move and we’re making out. Like a lot. Like whew. Like damn, thank god this bar is empty cuz I’m not drunk enough to not care what people think.

 

Long haired dude- Is this how you get after 2 beers?

Me- No, this is how you get after 2 beers.

Long haired dude- But I was drinking way before you.

Me- Yeah I know.

 

I’m sober as fuck, and this guy is riding the nice waves and I really wish I was on that same level of niceness so that way we can flow better together. But that didn’t really seem to matter.

 

Long haired dude- Can I ask you a question?

Me- Sure.

Long haired dude- You always had sucha nice ass?

Me- Bwhahahahahaha. Wow, you’re funny. Yeah I guess so, even when I was skinny. I always had a nice shape.

Long haired dude- Oh yea, well I really like dat ass.

 

I just kept laughing the whole time. Guys say such funny, stupid things. My response was- So I take it all you want for your birthday is a big booty ho? He was grabbing my ass the whole time. I was like, your white, what do you know about alla this? lol Should be like over load to the system. But nah, he’s a really nice guy that likes my body for what it is, and it’s super refreshing to not have to feel self conscious around someone that you haven’t know for a long period of time.

 

 

 

But yeah, some of the randomness that is my life. What a mess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rich Rich’s Tips for Working Night Shift

I have to work night shift for the first time ever. The latest I ever stayed at work was til 1am. That was more than enough. It’s a Saturday night. That means shit gunna get cray. 11pm til 7am. Ugh fml, hard, really hard. So, I enlisted some help from a fellow coworker that mostly works night shift. He’s def one of my favorite people to work with and I am so sad he won’t be working with me tonight to be my support system. I have to work with this manager I call Captain Chaos. Plus, all the drunkest, highest, fucked up, ratchet ass people you can find will be there ordering food tonight. I’m not moving from the fry unit. Anyone comes at me, fry basket to the face. I’m just saying.

So these are his tips: call out, if you do come in, don’t deal with the customers, if you do, punch them in the face…. Jk That’s not what he said, but he might as well have!

 

My Boy Richie’s Tips for Surviving Night Shift:

 

1. for real tho, don’t deal with the customers-  He’s saying that because he knows I have absolutely no patients and I get annoyed very easily. And seeing as that they’re all basically on crack, I’m gunna strangle someone.

 

2. you’re basically on your own-  Good luck with cleaning the entire store, filling everything up, giving out orders, and dealing with a huge rush. Especially with Captain Chaos, the Captain of things to go unnecessarily wrong and just making the place look like a glove factory exploded. Good luck with that.

 

3. be prepared for anything and everything to down-  Just be prepared for the crazies, the rush that won’t stop, and people yelling at you for their food. Be prepared for the food fight in the front room, and the store to look like Captain Chaos unleashed his weapon of mass confusion and pure chaos.

 

4. this is not day shift-  Things that are done during the day, are not during night shift and vice versa. So don’t go in thinking you can still do that same shit, cuz ya can’t. It’s killed or be killed during the night and you just gotta do everything you can to survive.

 

Bonus Tip from a manger: God’s Speed. I guess that was more of a well wishing of sorts but whatever.

 

I just hope I make it through the night without killing someone or myself. This shall be interesting.

 

Almost forgot, one of my coworkers suggested to just be drunk the whole time lol. Maybe that will work.

Top 10 Things Customers Do That Annoy Me

1. they walk through the door-  Sometimes we just wanna have a relaxing day at work and not do shit, that’s more like all the time. So when customers come in through the door, it brings up a feeling of dread of things to come. And depending if we know the customer, we already know if this is gunna be a difficult transaction or a descent one. I do have my favorite customers and I have the ones that I hope die in a fiery crash and are singed beyond recognition. They are just that fucking annoying. Also, when customers walk through the door and they’re all loud and crazy, I’m already don’t wanna take your order because your all drunk or high or still in high school. Some people are really nice and others are just assholes. As they come through the door and reach the counter, they’re barking their order. Jesus give people a minute. Idk man, I don’t do these things when I go to fast food places. I don’t see why people have to act this way. But what I learned from working with the public, people really are fucking stupid, rude, and inconsiderate . I understand now why people hate Americans when they travel to other countries. If this how you act in your own country just ordering fast food, then I don’t wanna know how you are abroad trying to get some fish and chips. Wankers.

 

 

2. whisper in my ear or just deafen me-   I really fucking hate this sooooo much. I hate when people whisper their orders to me like they’re telling me secrets of their childhood. I can’t fucking hear you!!! I have to lean over the counter and practically put my ear to their mouth just to hear what they’re saying. On the drive thru it’s even fucking worse. There’s only so much you turn up the volume. The reason why this is so annoying beyond the obvious, is because we honestly can’t hear you. It is so loud where we are, you really need to speak up cuz we can’t hear shit. Between people yelling out orders, banging of the spatula, the shake machine rattling, the beeping of the fry unit, things banging open and closed, other people getting their order taken, it’s really fucking loud. So sorry if I can’t hear your secret order. Write it down next time, then I can understand what you’re saying. On the opposite spectrum is when people are waaaaaay too fucking loud. If I’m in the front, I’ll back away from the counter. I’m not having my ear drums get blown out just because you don’t know how to speak at a normal decibel. And I’m the queen of being frightened easily, so when guys just yell there order out at the counter like this is a saloon, I tend to jump. Why are you yelling at me? Stop yelling. I can hear you just fucking fine just speak normal. God, don’t people have a voice between whispering and yelling? Idk, maybe a normal speaking voice? When I’m on the drive through it’s even worse. Listen people, you’re at the speaker. We can hear everything and anything that goes on in that car. Stop fucking yelling at people. It blows my ear drums out and makes me jump into the air. I especially hate when it’s ladies with really annoying voices yelling at the top of the lungs like they’re in a sea of people at a concert. Relax guys, we can hear you. I tend to just lower the volumes and go shhhhh to the speaker. Sometimes they’re so loud you can still hear them really clearly. Also the people in the front can hear you. So stop screaming folks, but don’t fucking whisper either.  Have some control over yourselves.

 

 

3. drunk, high, or just fucked up-   I have dealt with my fair share of heroine addicts, crack heads, and drunkards working at this god forsaken place. You’d think I worked at a brothel. They first time I had to deal with them, I thought a camera crew would come in and Intervention would start. How are we supposed to be nice and patient to people that can barely stand up straight? Like wtf? I had this one lady who sat down and just started cursing. God only knows at what. It was pretty funny and I wanted to know what drug she was on so I would never take that shit. She looked so crazy just sitting there and yelling: Fuck you, fucking bitch! Fuck off! Leave my shit alone! I’ll fucking punch you in the face! Ahh good times. One guy was def on heroine, and doing the nod and just was bent at the knees and slowly going down down down. Nearly ripped the credit card machine out because that’s what he anchored himself onto. Tried to take his order numerous times but insisted I already took it. Clearly not. Apparently he wanted KFC and he was totally at the wrong place and sent him up the street. On night shift, I heard of girls just coming in with just a shirt and underwear, or customers asking, hey got any pussy back there? Dealing with drugged out, whacked people are the worst. They’re always using in the bathrooms like this is their personal opium den, and they never know wtf they want. And no doubt it, they’re leaving a huge fucking mess for us to clean up. And they’re super broke cuz they spent all they’re money on crack. One guy, I guess he was drinking all night, was in the front room all morning and I had work at 7am. He refused to leave and when he did he kept coming back. He kept shouting for us to call the ambulance for him because he was dying. He also kept drinking cuz he had another 6 pack of beers in his bag. My manger locked the doors and blocked both entrances with garbage cans. He still kept trying to come in and that whole scene was pretty funny. People, you’re a fucking mess. Omg, I never knew people drank so damn early. 10 am and your breath smells of pure beer? Jeez. That’s when I back up from the counter, way back, and lean to punch your order in. Rancid.

 

 

4. do you take credit or debit?-   Omg if I had a fucking nickel. I honestly would be so fucking rich it wouldn’t be funny. Like are you serious? This is an actual business. It’s the year 2013. They have food trucks for god’s sake. Why wouldn’t we accept credit cards? This is not Jim Bob’s Fish Shack from down the road. Get it together people, really. I swear someone’s gunna ask me that and I’m just gunna snap, I really am. I usually just answer with an of course. I nearly wanna go a duuuh. But I have some restraint… some.

 

 

5. making stupid jokes-  I really hate when customers make jokes and they think they’re sooo fucking funny. You’re not. That’s why you’re ordering burgers and not on stage at a comedy club. Because you fucking suck. I already hafta laugh at all the old people when they make joke s cuz they’re old. All they have are corny jokes and anecdotes about the war, or when burgers when 5 cents. Also, I’ve heard the same jokes a million fucking times. If I had a nickel. So to hear the same jokes all day from old people, and then again from everyone else… I’m sorry if I can barley manage more than a slight smile. Also, your jokes are soooo wack, and I’m busy. I don’t have time to listen to this and do everything else I have to do, it’s ridiculous and you’re wasting my time. If you were hot it’s one thing, but they’re never hot. One guy made a joke because of the prices like oh you gotta pay for the napkins too? And I was like no, napkins are right over there sir. Oh I was just making a joke. And all I could do was hang my head and sigh. And I let out a very mournful, I knooow. Just stop, it’s not funny, you’re not Kevin Heart, it ain’t working out. I can’t tell how many times I’ve heard, oh I just made that bill in my basement, or I remember when these burgers were 5 cents, oh! That’s too much money, jk… Ugh just really fucking annoying. So next time you make a corny joke, just think of how many people made it before you.

 

 

6. you’re really mean, then try to be nice, we don’t make the rules-  I hate, really really really fucking hate when customers are nasty to you even after you try to do everything for them or try to explain why you can’t do certain things. WE don’t make the fucking rules we just have to follow them. WE will actually get fired, no joke, if we don’t do things by the book. Do you think we wanna do half the bullshit we hafta do? Hell no. So try to make our depressing lives a lil better by not being assholes about it. We do not make the rules about how things have to be done. If we were you wouldn’t be talking to us, those people are in cooperate.  There’s a reason why people say I just work here. Because it’s true. I just work here, I follow the rules, this is a part of my job. I do not make the rules so please refrain from cursing at people and acting like rabid dogs about. Don’t be really fucking mean to us, see that you’re wrong or realize that you’re being a straight up dick, and then try to be nice about it. Don’t be fucking nice to me, just APOLOGIZE. What I would give for a sincere apology, like I’m really sorry for yelling at you like you’re an idiot, or like this life and death and not just a fast food restaurant. God, people really need to relax. This food we’re talking about. No wonder the world goes to shit if anything apocalyptic were ever to happen. People when they’re hungry, are just complete dicks. At least that’s what it seems like to me. So please, wipe the foam from your mouth and try to act like a normal person, an actual human being with a sense of reasoning. As much as we may smile in your face, or just frown, and not saying anything, we secretly wish for death to be in the next few mins. Or we conspire how we’re gunna burn down the joint, or just shoot it up. One of these days…

 

 

7. the drive thru speaker-   I really hate it when say may I take your order and you hear nothing back. Then I’m just standing there like an asshole, waiting for to get your shit together, only for you to scream at me : HELLO HELLO! Listen bitch, I asked may I take your order, you decided not to answer. Or they think they’re soo funny, sooo cute and go: Are you ready? For god sake’s just answer me the first time, I’ve been ready. I usually tell them, I’m waiting on you. Just say: I need a min, yes just one second please. For god sake’s anything at all will do. I hate that so much. I’m talking to you and you’re not answering. Are you dead? Why are you in the drive thru then? And how loud do I hafta be just for you to answer me? Too loud, I have an attitude. Of course I do because you’re an asshole and I just wanna stab you in the face. I hate when people tell me that their order is to go. You’re on the fucking drive thru, where else is it going?

 

 

8. the front room, dining area-   Why, why, why, why, why are people so fucking dirty and disgusting? This is what goes on at your house? This is not an actual restaurant where you leave tips. This is fast food. I gotta clean this shit. Why leave all your crap all over the tables? I have never done that. I can’t understand that. What is so hard about throwing out your garbage? Like why is that really really really difficult for people? I will never understand that. And why would throw trays in the garbage? Like wtf man? Seriously? It makes no sense to me why these simple, everyday, ordinary tasks are so difficult for people. Just reminds me everyday that people really are fucking idiots. I don’t understand why it looks like Casper’s uncles came to visit, and there’s just a bunch chewed up, gross stuff all over the floors. We are not animals. I’m not saying this is the Queen’s palace but my goodness, have some public decency or an ounce of respect for yourself. I love it when customers tell me, oh it’s dirty, can you clean it? I didn’t fuckin dirty it so don’t act like I did it on purpose so you couldn’t sit down. Sometimes it’s so busy and we can barley move from our positions, much less see if the front room is dirty. Sorry if a pack of rabid wolves ate were you sat, but it’s not like I told them to do it. I don’t mind cleaning your table if it’s really that bad, but I hate when there’s three crumbs and you want me to wipe the table off. Is this a fucking joke? While you sit there smiling and saying thanks. Bitch you could’ve got a napkin and done it yourself. I always wipe the table off myself when I eat at fast food places, I have never asked anyone to do it for me. This is not Applebee’s. Fucking fast food. And at least give me a dollar, something. I had old people give me a dollar for doing nothing, and these people won’t give you shit. All those napkins you took out the box and left on the counter, I put them back, all those lids you have all over the place I put them back. I’m not throwing nothing out. You wanna be nasty, stay nasty. This is not a third world country, no need to act like that.

 

 

9. people really are that fucking stupid-   You don’t know how many times I get asked what’s the difference between the original burger and a cheese burger. One has cheese and the other doesn’t. Again, if I had a nickel. And just when they order in general, they ask the dumbest questions. I can’t even think of any cuz it’s just so ridiculous. And I never knew how many people can’t read or say the word jalapeno. I know you’ve come in contact with that word before. It’s in food, like I don’t understand how you don’t know how to say it. The ways they say it: they pronounce the j, jalappypeeno, japenese, jalappy, chipotle, etc. I can’t understand why people struggle over saying such a simple word. It makes me really sad for Americans. We really are dumb. Also, when people take 5 years just to make an order, I usually just stand there and stare like, are you fucking kidding me? Also, if you’re really annoying or just an asshole, I look behind me to check for a camera crew and go: Is this a joke? Or I just rub the bridge of my nose or rub my temples because you’re giving me a fucking migraine. I sigh really loudly. I try to take a lotta deep breathes. Patients I have lost since working here. This is not a math test you’re studying for, not life or death, no cut the blue or red wire. Just ordering food that feeds your belly. Step to the fucking side if you can’t get it together. I hate when they go: I guess I’ll have… you’re sure or you’re not sure?, is that all?… you tell me I’m not ordering you are, just give me a bunch of burgers. Like is that a joke? What kind? How many? Get your life together people! You’re not old and you’re not a baby. I shouldn’t not have to hold your hand so you can order properly. I also can’t stand when people in the front room ask for lids and straws. It’s right above the soda machine. Like it’s attached. Like you’re eye level with it. You have to be at least 3 years old to not see it at all. I don’t understand because all you have to do is look up, or just straight ahead of you like wtf. Right fucking there. One guy was asking about what drinks we have, and I told him everything’s outside so he can do it himself. So he goes over to the machine which was 2 feet away from him, how do you miss that? Looking at the flavors, oh ok so where do I get the cups? This guy didn’t pay yet or finish his order. Why would you stop half way thru an order to fill up your drinks? And why would they be outside? It’d be a fucking free for all. I’m just like, you get the cups when you pay. Which reminds me of how many times people have asked for a receipt and have not payed yet. And how many times people don’t believe when I tell them I can’t print it up unless you pay. Can I get a receipt?  You only get one when you pay for something. Oh. This is not Sears or T.J. Maxx, I can’t be printing shit all ladi dadi. Fucking pay first .

 

 

10. you want everything in the god damn world, and you want me to give it to you-  Relax people. It’s just sauce. Stop coming to the counter every 5 seconds just to annoy the shit outta my life. Can I have some ketchup? Can I have more? Do you have ranch? Barbecue?  Chipotle? Buffalo? Honey Mustard? Yellow Mustard? Fresh lemons? Sweet and Low? Sugar? Napkins? Hand sanitizer?  Gloves? A box of pickles? But like more? Can I have all the sauces? Throw everything in there, one of each, this whole list I just rattled off to you. Better memorize it because I’m the only person in the store. Can I have a plastic bag? A big one? Brown bag? Like 5. Can I get like 30 honey mustards?  I’ll give you a dollar. Can I get a plate? 3 plates? A plate with ketchup? Jesus Christ people. There are other customers in the store besides just you. Relax, you’re not gunna die if you don’t get everything you want. Harassing our nerves every damn minute like a house maid. Even the wenches at Medieval Times get treated better than this. Ugh my life is sooo going down the drain. This place has sucked the last of my youth outta me. I have no life or feelings to regard towards people. I really hate people now.

 

Well, guess I should get a different job right? Totally working on it when I’m not sleeping my life away or have Netflix marathons and ordering enough chinese food to feed a baby elephant. So when you’re at a fast food place, please be nice. We had a long rough day. Unless they’re an asshole to you first. But please try to be considerate and have some patience. It’s only food. I am human and I probably am smarter than you. I have and associates degree in creative writing and graduated with honors. So think twice before you think we are all just dumb asses.  We’re not but on a level we are for dealing with you people. One of my reg customers heard me get screamed at on the drive thru for no reason other than that person was a big asshole. He said, don’t worry about that guy. What a mother fucker. If that was his daughter he wouldn’t want anyone to talk to them like that. And that is so true. If I honestly don’t deserve to be talked to that way, then don’t. I could be your daughter, friend, niece, or cousin. So just be a little more fucking considerate. Cuz all of us are basically one the edge and maybe that will be the day we burn that fuckin hell hole down. Or I just dunk my head in the fry unit. Fried skull anyone?