Hemlock Grove


I recently watched Hemlock Grove, a Netflix original series based on the book by Brain McGreevy. I watched it in three days and it would’ve been two if I didn’t have to clean my room. It’s weird, creepy, totally gross, full of questionable accents, killer wardrobes, a kick ass classic sports car, all things supernatural, dead bodies, and a lotta bitches getting their body taken downtown. Did I mention why I’m so in love with this show? That’s def some of the main reasons and umm hello baby Skarsgard!!! Man oh man can he give his older bro a run for his money and watching this show, I can totally see how they’re related. Besides the fact that they’re both crazy hot. Sorry Alexander, but it’s lil bro Billy that’s been haunting my dreams at night.

WARNING: Links on this page contain spoilers.

The Many Reasons You Should Watch This Show and Not Stop:

1. Roman Godfrey- The first scene he’s in, he’s the biggest creeper you’ve ever seen and I love it. I learned to love the many creepy stares of Roman Godfrey. The creepier he is, the more I fall in love with him. I swear his second favorite thing to do is just stand there and stare at people like a creep. Take a shot every time you see Roman stare at someone like he’ll murder the shit outta them throughout the series, and I’m more than sure you’ll be buzzed enough to get through the last episode. Trust me, you’ll need to be the way this show decided to end. Besides all this is his love of blood, which is only when he’s doing naughty bad things to girls other than me. 😦 Mostly you’ll just find yourself screaming at the screen, if you’re anything like me, what the fuck are you? A upyr. Of course totally not satisfied with answer, but thank God they have their own wiki page and I can watch him stare at me like a creep as long as I like. Ahhhh, Roman. So needless to say I’m obsessed with lil bro Bill Skarsgard, and I will def be following his career and we shall meet, fall in love, get married, have babies….. uhhh, I mean I hope to meet him someday and I will totally act cool. Totally cool…. yeah right!!!!


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2. Peter Rumancek- If you love Roman, you’ll love Peter. It’s tough going for this gypsy boy that may or may not be a werewolf and of course all eyes are on him when the first murders happen. He tries his best to stay out of the way of things, especially to the advice of his mother, but things take a turn and his pulled right into the eye of things. His mother is played by Lily Taylor, who I really love in this series. Also, you see this boy’s booty a lot, and I don’t hate it! 😉 Don’t worry guys, there’s enough boobies to even things out. But I’m just saying, Roman and Peter as main characters are enough to make any girl wanna watch, no matter how vague the story line can get at times. I love Peter’s character in that he is so sweet to everyone no matter what and tries to do the right thing until you push him too hard. He’s sweet to Roman’s sister  Shelly who’s basically a walking experiment, and even to the girl that made his life hell by telling everyone he’s a werewolf. And he is soooo cute in that super scruffy, gypsy, bad boy with a major dose of I don’t give a fuck about what people think attitude. A perfect balance for Roman, to keep him level headed and focused. They go through major tough times together and are each others first actual friends. *sigh* why can’t I have friends like that? I’d never be depressed again.


3. Shelly Godfrey- The gentle giant, little glow worm, call her what you will but Shelly’s not monster. She will def win you over with her love of reading, search towards independence, her very intelligent emails to her uncle, her smile when Peter says nice things to her, and being the only one on the show that is truly innocent. Shelly makes you fall in love with her, and wishing that she would give you a bear hug that lifts you straight of the ground. You wanna be her friend when people pick on her, and tell her mother fuck off and let her order a salad. You’ll love it when she glows and her very strong feelings for her older brother Roman. Also, more heartbreaking, is that she can’t speak and can only do these low moans. Which of course I tried to replicate to my friends when I tell them about the show. But I just end up sounding like a constipated porn star. So not good. So I’ll leave all that to the beautiful Shelly, which I wish I really had in my life. I’d let her order a salad.

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4. Olivia Godfrey- The bitch you love to hate, and I mean looove to hate. This is one bitch that is full of pure cray. And she wears is white all the time. White all day erryday, fuck Labor day rules. As much as she scares the shit outta me and I want to strangle her, I do like her. She is def someone necessary for the show and I love her all white outfits. That is one closet I want to raid. I love Famke Jenssen in this role so much. I never seen her play a character like this, cold, conniving, manipulative, strong, majestic, this character is just amazing to watch. Despite what they say about her accent, which did throw me off and made me question how good my own english accent was. But I gave the excuse that maybe because of the characters background of traveling and who knows how old she really is and having come from an era of long ago, the mix of accents have led to this weird one, lol. Either way I accept it. I don’t know why everyone feels to rag on it or Bill’s american one for that matter. I really do like his and I can hear at times his other accent creeping out but I love it. I love is american accent a lot, so back off haters! lol. I especially love it whenever he says: Sometimes I see things, or sometimes I have these feelings. Whenever he says stuff like that he sounds so innocent and vulnerable. I just wanna hold him and squeeze him and love him forever. But Olivia has other things in mind for him.

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5. clarity- This show has none. So if you’re looking for that, you’re watching the wrong show. Don’t get me wrong, there were many times I screamed at my laptop, WTF??!!!!, and I JUST WANNA KNOW, WHY WON’T YOU LET ME KNOW???!!!!! So this is not for those that want everything wrapped up in a nice silver bow. If this show could wrap presents, you’ll know half of what you’re getting, and when you unwrap the others, there will be nothing inside. It will make your brain hurt trying to figure out what is going on. But I have read so many books and watched so many things, that I understand. It’s just one of those shows you can’t figure out, and whether you like it or not, everything’s going to be vague and you’re not going to understand everything. Once you accept this, it’s smooth sailing and you can enjoy the show. To me, it def leaves me wanting to know more and more and more, and wanting there to be a million seasons that I can binge watch. But other people don’t get it or understand that’s the style of the show. So if you’re looking for clarity, don’t look here. It just ain’t gunna happen.

6. gross factor- Apparently people like gross things. I never knew that. I don’t. I’m a lil bitch about those types of things and it makes me just fake gag the whole time something gross its happening. I told my friend about it, and he was so excited that it was that gross that he wanted to watch it. And I’m like really? Just because it’s gross? That doesn’t even make any sense. But whatever. If you wanna know, I spent most of the time watching this show through my fingers, trying not to gag. And don’t eat food while you’re watching this. Especially chinese food. Every time I tried to lift a fork to my mouth, GROSS CITY. And especially don’t try to eat shrimp egg rolls during it. You’ll understand why. So if you like gross shit, this is the place to be, no doubt about that.

7. take her body downtown- If you know any of Lana Del Rey’s music, she uses take my body downtown as a euphemism for someone, well, going downtown on her. Which this show excels at showing. In the media today, and the sexualization of our culture, is purely male based. All about guys getting hjs or bjs and the women getting nothing return. Guys these days just expect that when they drop trow you’ll be there to lap it up and they get to go out and about their day with you getting nothing return besides the satisfaction of being in their presence with their pants down. Idk about you, but I am never satisfied with that. It’s time for guys to go down on a girl and be happy about being in their glorious presence.  I’m happy that this show has more female satisfaction in mind. Very refreshing. And that is def sometime I can support, take my body downtown!

And if my list has left something to be desired, here’s a link pretty much explaining why I love this show so much and why it’s amazing to me. Others def don’t feel that way, but fuck them haters, son!


I def now wanna read the book and it is on my Kindle wishlist. Buy me this book! Please….

And if you do watch this show, yay for you and being awesome! Didn’t you just love how creepy it was? And why are the Godfrey’s house always so damn drafty? Anyway, hope this leads you to watching the show or reading the book. Happy traveling…




oh, i wish i had them

slice, dice


so long, sharp



my rage, fury

no longer suppressed

moonlight, familiar

my guardian

i dance to my goddess

she loves me

i would have someone to love me

lone me

even if i was the lone, solitary one

i’d have her

even if i was scared

had rage, fear

over what i have done

killed, eaten

but i am to

as hard as i fight my nature

i would have to accept it

most of all compromise

the realist of lunatics

she is my guide

woods, trees

leaves crunching underfoot

gracefully darting things sight

jumping, leaping

a coat so thick and full

protective against the stinging winds

even then they would never have me

even then


love is though]

silver and bright

could a meat boy fall for me

i highly doubt

even then he would sense something wrong with me

will i become so cold as the waterfalls i’d pass through

the streams i follow

or would another pack find me

rogue, lone, solitary

telling already what i am

for the other form would be comfort

and my features taking on that which is less human

it would be fair then

for them

to take me in

give this lone a home

to have a family

besides the goddess herself, again

but they wouldn’t

would they

because they want me to suffer

tho the leader can see the suffering in my eyes

the pain that creeps into my soul

tho i run free

i imprison myself

so i will continue to wander alone

no matter how many paths i will come across

they will all stay away

watch me from afar

only wonder

but only that

and i will stay solitary

as if i chose it

but thy goddess never strays

is never afraid

always hanging

silver, over my head

as i run, dart, flee, and feed



for i’ll always be




Always Here to Chase Away the Blues, High School Poetry

Although, I doubt I can call it high school poetry when I graduated in 2008 and I wrote these poems in 2010. Either way, they still serve their purpose. I feel these ones do show their maturity and I like them more than the other ones. The others are more slit your wrists central. I don’t know what to call these other than more grown up. Anyway, glad I found them, had a shitty day and it only gets worse worse and more worse. Would not be my life if it wasn’t. I’m just wondering when my real life begins, the one I keep imaging in my head. I’m not sure I even want to be happy anymore but to just not feel so bad about my life. I know I have to be the one to grab the bull by the horns, but I would like someone there to support me, watch me fall, and help me back up. I just feel like I have absolutely no safety net and everyone’s judging watching and waiting to see what has become of my life. And all I have to show for it being fat, boyfriend-less, working at a fast food joint and still living at home with no life what so ever. Sure seeing a friend that was my bestie for 10 years, for the first time in about 4, kinda shook me up. We stop being friends over stupid shit, me, her and this other girl, and I realize, they were never really my friends and was glad we broke up over stupid shit than something serious. Then it was like my life was trying to write a book about how to lose friends and alienate people. But everyone is moving on, living lives and being happy. And me, I’m just me. I’m that sad girl in the movie you want everything to work out for, she’s the one you want to shove all that success in their face. But unlike that girl, I don’t win. I may not ever win. I just get sadder and sadder til wish anything and anyone would put her out of her misery. But that’s what life is for me, I guess. Endlessly pouring down my throat burning water, like I can feel anything at all anymore.



furiously shifting

terribly ever changing

unstable at most

because it is what’s meant to be

over time

things must shift

routine shattered

awakening difficulties

dripping in unreason


the goddess who’s love is neither nor

gone so lone was the stability

as if there ever was

the spirit i’ve refused to remember

has found me

awakened once more

the shaking vomit

lost the control

he is of his own discourse

almost undetected

as i forgotten its feeling

its movement

its pain

but then its familiarity struck me

as if how was i ever to forget

the misery i thought was locked so far below

you are clear now

i has been not too long

are you here to drown me again

to make me live within its wake

he, you, were always coming

am i to be worried

shocked, surprised

at your return , arrival

almost but no

i lay open

for what has been never

the barest of shields keeping me awake

i am always looking

for greater barriers

why can’t i ever have someone protecting me

be there when it all falls

but i can’t

it’s either die or survive

why does it always have to rip me apart

as i truly have a beast within

willing to free itself of my humanity

but alas

i cannot shift

i have no other form

must everything threaten all

can’t a piece be all it can gather

always it is all or none

i need you

at least some others

to know you are there to fight for

to come back to

i must know my life

is something you will always wish for

must i always be so fleeting

a passing star

there a few brief moments

only to expire

would you not burn everything for me

to see me breathe

i would kill what’s inside me

if only i knew how

so i must stay quite

be quite

not say anything

i will try

i’m trying

an i am sorry

i will try to make it not go near my heart

but its aim is there

his aim is always there

so i am not surprised at his return

the familiar ache

to wish to vomit

that never eases

but can only pray

for one more leave

of absence

The Heart of the World


i wanna scream

i walk through the night

so just have them

take me under

make me feel their pain

let me take their souls

their loved ones will give

their loved ones will care

so let them take me under

let me feed on their pain

no one will remember

no will care

i am no one

i bring sorrow and pain

back from their graves

just to haunt them

once again

no hope for the future

just a lost cause

never to appear again

who is she

who am i

happiness holds nothing

just more useless hope

carefree and wild

hold no burdens

only the pain and sorrow

i have suffered so many years ago

just another never ending hurt

and we live through it

all just because

life is beautiful

Her Secrets

sleepless nights,

dreamless days.

she screams in silence,

she screams in pain.

no one hears her cries,

for they are only silent.

she puts on a face,

she puts on a show.

so no one would know,

the fears she keeps inside.

the pain in anger,

kept inside.

her stomach churns,

sick with emotion.

her helpless smile,

and deep eyes.

explain much more,

kept inside.

no one to tell,

no one to trust.

too nervous to discuss it,

too soft to hear.

she watches her shows,

she laughs with her friends.

but deep inside,

searching for something much greater.

to make it to the top,

and watch her dream unfold.

searching for the one love,

that will knot her stomach inside.

the life she leads,

isn’t glamorous.

stress and anger,

pour out of her.

dark circles under her eyes,

from lack of sleep.

falling faster and faster,

slipping deeper and deeper.

the life and secrets,

she buries beneath her.

scared as hell,

doesn’t know where she’s going.

will she make it,

or just give up her soul.


High School Poetry Time!

I don’t know why everyone seems to like these terribly and horribly depressing poetry from my high school days.  It’s how I felt at the time and how I still feel at moments. It’s just nice that I can actually share my angry feelings from the days of my youth. Also, I hope it helps whoever reads it, to know that they’re not alone. Sometimes it’s just nice to know that someone knows what you’re going through. When I went through all this, I was by myself. I had no one to talk to about, no one to know how I felt. I just kept everything inside and it eventually turned into these poems. If I could’ve known there were other people who felt what I felt, and went through what I went through, it really would’ve helped me. Also, to know that it doesn’t always stay like this and things do get better. So as much as this stuff is deeply depressing, I hope it helps a little bit.


the bonus beauty,

that resides inside.

the time that takes,

the world to know.

never to know,

never to understand.

my life,

on the ground.


if defeated.

who knows,

but will not give up.

never to the knife,

never to the gun.

whenever it happens,

supposed to.

never to awake,

running faster and faster.

the sweat of fear,


broken bones,

equal to a broken heart.

never again,

get back up.

take a rest,

wishing to be sedated.

for blue polka dots,

and needles in the arm.

only to awake,

a few days later.



help wanted,

love needed.

understanding is hard,

for i am complicated.

but always told,

the beauty rises from within.