A Dream That Haunts: Part 4

Last time we left off, Renee was stranded in the hotel room nursing her injuries. But falling out the tub may all be worth it just from her meeting that really hot bell boy Mitchell. Let’s see how much trouble a girl can get into just hanging out in a hotel room…

A Dream The Haunts: Part 4

As much as I loved meeting Mitchell, my dream boy from England, I really loved meeting my burger. It was huge and sloppy and I could barely take a bite of it. It was amazing. Sauce was all over my hands and face, but I didn’t care, I was starving, ravenous even. With every bite I took, the more I just wanted to shove it in my face. Oh it was good, so very good. The sauce that was on it, and also on my hands and my face, was one I couldn’t really place. I mean Mitchell said it was a western barbecue burger, so I had to assume it was barbecue sauce…. but it tasted off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I don’t know if it was a little too thick, or just a little too tangy, or just a little too salty. And yet I wanted more of it. I even dipped my fries in it. Every bite I took, I just wanted more and more. Sopping up the sauce with my fries and licking my fingers. It was a wonder a took a second to breathe. Falling backwards out of claw foot tubs sure does make you hungry.

And I was a fucking mess. Sauce was all over my comfy sweatshirt, dripping down the front of it like I had a nose bleed or something. There was hardly any scraps left on the silver tray and it looked like some massacre had just took place. I burped really loud and did not like the after taste. Ugh, time for some wine. I didn’t even pause long enough to open it. But why would the church ladies order me a bottle of wine? Much less a glass? It just seems very… open-minded of them. It would be the last thing I’d guess they’d order.It’s good for the blood I guess.

I poured the wine into my wine into wine glass, and its color was a deep blood-red.

Jeez, how many virgins did they have to kill to make this bottle?

It was just so freaky to me how really really dark red it was, and it seemed really thick for wine. Figures they’d spring for the cheap stuff, something that seems to be congealing together. But that has never stopped me from drinking before. Oh, and I almost forgot about the pills. Those really red gel pills. So weird. Should I take them now? Should I drink them with the wine? Why not, I’m not going anywhere. And when I get too drunk, my bed can catch me when I fall. Bringing the glass to my lips, I breathed in the smell as I took my first sip. It tasted sweet, and tart, and kind of off. Why the hell was everything tasting so weird to me today? Maybe I hit my harder than I thought and I somehow altered my taste buds. This whole situation has my whole body out of whack.

I turned on the TV and I was just in time for some Wheel of Fortune. I love this show. I always wanted to be on it. I wonder if I should order dessert? Maybe I’ll just for Aleta to come back. She couldn’t be out all night, were they holding people hostage or what? But I did have my second best friend to keep me company and chase away those abandonment blues, Mr. Wine Bottle. I grinned to myself.

After shouting out all the answers that my drunken self knew were wrong at Vanna, I remembered those two red capsules I was supposed to take. I mean I drunk nearly the whole bottle of this terrible wine, might as well. So I popped them into my mouth, swigged a whole bunch of wine, and swallowed. I felt just like a drunken sailor. Or a pirate. I like pirates. They were so sexy, with their dirty hair, floppy hats, and gold teeth. At least that’s what I think they look like. Or maybe I just really like Johnny Depp. I had a dream about him once and no he wasn’t dressed like a pirate. Pirate, pirate, pirate. He’s my favorite pirate. He reminds me of one I once knew…

What am I talking about? I don’t know any pirates!

A big rolling laugh escaped from my mouth, straight from my belly. I was cackling, laughing bold facidly at absolutely nothing. A stupid joke I just made in my drunkenness. And I loved it. I was laughing so hard it hurt to hold up my head. Slowly but surely I tipped over sideways onto the bed. As I laid there, rogue curls covered my face, and fled with each cackling breath. My stomach started to hurt and I rolled from side to side to try to put and end to my laughter.

Stop it, stop it, stop it! Come on for real we have to stop. Breathe. Breeaaathhe, breathing is good.

But there were still some giggles lingering, and linger they did. But at least my stomach didn’t hurt. I felt the world shifting inside my head and I just tried to stay still. One of the best feelings in the world is your own chaos coming to life. I wonder who said that?


 

I was back in that cave again. I wasn’t cold but I was sure I should be the way I was dressed. I mean a shirt made out of pure necklaces is nice but only can do so much. And I wasn’t used to having so much of my figure exposed. Even in my dreams I wasn’t skinny. My belly was still round, my arms still meatier than I liked, and my thighs just seemed huge in this excuse for a skirt. Two leather flaps held together with string, lets just say you couldn’t cover my knee caps with that much less the round thing that is always behind me.

I started to examine the necklaces, at least of what I could see by the firelight, and their had to be hundreds of very tiny beaded necklaces layering each other. Some were short, others were very long, and a lot of them laid over my chest. Most them were made out of jade, but there was a lot of gold as well. Some necklaces had long teeth, and feathers. Then under all those hundreds of necklaces, I noticed I had two gold oval-shaped shields on my nipples with little chains hanging underneath them. Since when did I have my nipples pierced?

“We used to have a lot of fun with those,” he said and his very pale hand tugged on the little chains.

I just stared at that deathly pale hand as it tugged on my nipple and followed it as it went back to his body. I didn’t even realize that I was at the mouth of that hall where he always stood. The darkness seemed to just blanket him, like it was a solid thing he wrapped around him. He only showed me his face and his hands. I have no clue what all this secrecy was about. I don’t understand why he was always hiding. But dreams are always really weird.

“How are you feeling?” he asked me. He had those pale hands in front of him, one in front of the other. His face was stoic, even his tone was even and smooth as stone. His face looked chiseled out of marble. Lines smooth and sharp, angled so beautifully. My face was full of circles. My cheeks are forever chubby, and my face was heart-shaped with my chin round plagued with a double chin. I’m just not as fit as I used to be. I always dream of being my high school weight, but then there’s cake.

I watched his expression changed as if he was saying go ahead, and I realized he asked me a question.

“What do you mean?” I asked confused. Why the hell would he ask how was I feeling, what does that have to do with anything?

“I mean, how are you feeling. Are you physically ok? Are you hurt?” he asked again, a bit more pointed. His patience seemed very thin.

“Yeah, I guess so. But this is just a dream, doesn’t exactly match your body in actual reality. In reality I’m practically a cripple,” I replied. “What do you care anyway? You’re just a dream and I don’t even know who you are. You ask me how I am and you won’t even tell me your name.”

“I tried to help you with that today. I expected you to remember by now but I guess I have to give you time. More time, you always have to have more. Lucky for us time isn’t something limited but even we grow impatient.” He sighed and looked down for a moment. He glossy black hair was so stark and fell in swirling waves. And I just really wanted to run my hand through those waves. I took a step closer to him and stopped.

He looked up, some of his hair falling in his face. I had my hand stretched out and quickly hid it behind my back.

“I didn’t mean to scare you the other day. I’d thought you’d remember me, straight away. I never thought you wouldn’t remember anything at all. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I’m not here to hurt you, you do understand that don’t you?” His face was pleading with me, that beautiful marble face with the fire reflecting his eyes. His eyes was void of all else and you could only see what was reflected in it, the torch that lit the cave.

“I don’t think I know what you’re talking about. When did you hurt me? I’ve never met you before, dreaming, waking or otherwise. This is just getting really weird, why do I keep dreaming about you?”

“Didn’t you take it? Didn’t you take the medicine I had sent to you?”

“You mean those red pills? You sent that? Okay now I am really fucking confused. Mitchell said that it was from the hotel. Do you know him? But how can you when you’re just a stupid dream? A stupid dream that I can’t seem to get away from when I really just want to dream about Mitchell.” I closed my eyes and smiled. “So damn dreamy.”

I felt a pain on my arm and I opened my eyes. He had a strong grip on my arm and it was burning with pain.

“Ow! What the hell…,” I shouted at him, And then he pulled me closer to him and he finally leaned out of the dark abyss. He was wearing an all black suit, it looked really expensive and fit like a glove. I still could only see the top part of him, it was like he refused to reveal himself and I have no clue why. And should my arm hurt this bad if this was just a dream?

He only pulled me closer to him and he put his mouth right up against my ear.

“I did not send him to you so you could fall for him. I did not send him to you so he could take you away from me! You are not supposed to forget, you are supposed to remember!” Each word was clipped and his voice rose with word until he was shouting in my ear and shaking me from that grip on my arm. I had no clue why he was screaming at me and I was getting scared. I never gotten yelled at like this before and when he spoke it sent blades into my stomach. I did not like him mad at me and screaming at me, whoever he was. This dream needed to be over now.

“Get off of me! I have no clue what you’re even talking about! You’re fucking hurting me!” I screamed back at him and tried my best to get out from under his grip. But my body was stiff, it hardly could move away from him, my free arm made feeble attempts to push him away, but that was beyond pointless. His body was rock hard armor and I couldn’t budge him to save my life. Literally.

“Did you do anything with him?” His tone was even now and he grasped my other arm. He turned me so I faced him. I could barely look him, those two flickering flames burned so brightly. “Did you do anything with him?!”

“NO! And I don’t know why the fuck you should care!” I screamed back at him. I was tired of this and my arms were hurting me and I did not like this dream. I want to wake up and I could care less what he does to me. This is my dream and I was sick of getting yelled at. “Let go of me!”

I kept struggling the best I could but I was so locked up in his grip. My soft skin was bruising and the pain was seeping into my bones. I screamed in frustration and I felt like I was going to cry. Going to? I think I just might go ahead. I hated feeling like this, so frustrated and trapped and really fucking scared. I had no clue who this guy was and he was hurting me, and making me cry.I did not like this dream at all. It was starting to feel real.

“I DID NOT SEND HIM THERE TO TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME! I SENT HIM THERE SO YOU WOULD REMEMBER!”

He was screaming at me and shaking me, his face started to change. His lips were blood-red and it was terrifying against his stark white face. Spit was flying out of his mouth and neatly coiffed hair was loose and falling into his eyes. And those eyes that burned straight into mine and I started to flat-out bawl. I felt so guilty, and frustrated, and scared, and I had no clue why. I just wanted to wake up, wake up and be home in my bed.

“YOU’RE HURTING ME! LET GO! I HATE YOU FOR MAKING CRY AND I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL SCARED. AND I DON’T REMEMBER YOU AND I HOPE I NEVER DO!”

I screamed this at him until my voice was hoarse, and I was crying and crying, but at least he had stopped shaking me. Wait… I looked at those flames in his eyes and they glowed a haunting blue. A blue flame flickering at me and burning me.

“Well, I’ll make you remember and you’ll remember that you are forever mine. That is it what you promised me and I’ll make sure you hold that promise whether you remember or want to.”

His voice was quite, back to being nice and smooth like water over stones. He let go of one arm and took a huge chunk of my hair and yanked my head sideways. I let out a scream of pain. He pulling on my hair so hard, I thought he was going to rip my scalp right off. My neck was at a strained angle and he brought me closer to his chest. His hard stone body dug all my necklaces into my skin, squeezing my whole body. My breath came out shaky and my eyes couldn’t help but tear up. I started whimpering at all the pain and everything this seemed to promise. I just wanted to wake up.

He licked my shoulder up to my neck. I shivered at the sensation, and his breath was so cold against my skin. It stirred things low inside my stomach and it felt relaxing to my body. Did it know something I didn’t? I didn’t have many boyfriends and this move did not remind me of anyone. He got to my ear and stopped. He breathed heavily into it as he leaned his head against mine, and it made me shiver. He whispered something in my ear I couldn’t make out. Then he gave my hair another sharp tug and I yelped. I braced myself because this seemed like what the end would be for me. And he pulled his face back, open his mouth wide, and went straight for my throat. It hit hard against my skin and I screamed and screamed and screamed.


 

And that is all til next time folks. Sorry for taking so long to write this one for those of you actually reading it. I have been so busy and with my sleeping patterns that would better suit me if I lived in Australia, I have been sort of a mess. This weeks part has really been on my mind a lot and I knew I just had to write or else I would explode. Hope you liked it as much as I did in my head. I’m happy I just didn’t give up and abandon it as I usually do. Let me know what you guys think! Happy reading!

Nude’tude Eyeshadow Palette

I got the Nude’tude palette by The Balm from Hautelook. I am obsessed with Hautelook.com and you get things at such a great discount and are able to try things that you never would before. And I love any place that lets me get makeup at a discount. This palette is $36 and I got it for $18 on Hautelook. You can also go to their website, thebalm.com or Kohl’s.

I am not a nude eyeshadow person, but I just couldn’t resist the adorable packaging. It is so cute with these nude ladies strategically covered up with eyeshadow. Beyond adorable. So I had to get it, even if it was just there to be the most scantily clad thing in my makeup collection.

Here are the swatches for the Nude’tude palette:

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The first arm is the top row, and the second arm is the bottom row. I know a lot of them you can’t see that because those are more of the highlighter colors. But I actually liked a lot of the colors. Stand-offish is a really nice peachy highlighter, great for yellow skin tones. My favorite perfect nudes for my skin tone is Sultry and Selfish. Those two are truly my nude and I am in love with them. I only had one nude I really fell in love with and it was from the Tarte for True Blood palette. That I hit pan on. I wore nearly everyday. I also really love Sexy, it’s a nice brown rich chocolate brown. I also love Sleek and Serious. Those two are more of a super dark chocolate basically black. Those are matte. The darker colors are matte, and the highlighters are more of a shimmer. I really like Seductive, it’s a golden shimmery color, total heaven.

Overall, if you’re not a nude person like me, you’ll really love this palette. They are not completely bare, they have matte tones as well as more shimmery ones. The shimmers are very dimensional, and the mattes do not budge. The color payoff is amazing and they’re all very build-able. This palette has made me very excited to join the nude train as I am one for color and more color on top of more. Also, I feel this is the first palette that really compliments my yellow coloring. I have swatched some of the Urban Decay Nude palettes on me, but I just feel their so pinky nude instead of a more brown tone. Idk I’m just really picky when it comes to nudes. But this will have me trying to pull of some Lana D. Rey looks. Time to watch some YouTube tutorials.

For more of my beauty looks and style and just other stuff, check out my Instagram: @thepurpleloba and my #uniquelyaveragebeauty. Hoped this helped!

Is It Okay That I Just Want to Live Half Around the World?

Lately, I have not been sleeping well. Not sleeping well at all. Sometimes I can only get 5 hours of sleep, and then my body just naturally wakes up. Then I cannot go back to sleep until around 10 or 12, and then I take a nap. A nap that last til about 6 pm. I really really really fucking hate the schedule my body is on right now. I hope I can fix it and it will change. No matter how much I drink, or porn I watch to help me knock out, I still wake up. It’s like I’m not allowed. This has made me increasingly miserable at work. I am already miserable working there but it has gotten worse. I am sleeping through meals, or the schedule my body is on is not for this part of the globe. So I am hungry at different times and often starving. I really hate how punishing this is for my body. Especially at work since we can’t sit down. A lot of the times I feel my head spinning and I have been drinking more pills lately.

I have been late to work because of this as well. My bed time seems to be at 3 in the afternoon and that’s usually when I work. Sometimes I won’t sleep at all. Come home and the whole song and dance will start all over again. Last night I actually got some sleep because since Friday, I think I’ve gotten about 10 hours of sleep. Last night my body was happy to die for the night. But weirdly enough I was very exhausted this afternoon and proceeded to take a nap from 6-10. I really hate when I sleep through the day like this. But my body is desperate. Also, I think my allergies are coming and it has made me really drowsy. And who knows, maybe this will be the best sleep I get all week so I’m going to enjoy it.

All of this has really made me want to move half way across the world. I always had, always wanted to travel, travel minded as always. But lately Australia really has been on my mind. I always wanted to go but I think I’m serious now. They have a work abroad program, and I really want to do it. I think I need to experience a place other than here, other than New York. I need to be away from my parents away from my shitty job and just be somewhere nice. I want to have fun and even if all I do there is drink by myself and see the Great Barrier Reef, I shall be set. And I would looooove to catch me some Australian goodness (the men, hot Aussie men). I just wanna make out. Can we just make out please? Who knows, maybe I’ll learn how to swim. And maybe I can actually get some sleep because my internal clock seems to be on that schedule already.

And another reason I just want to drop off to the other side is to get away from my scary dreams. Not like that would really work. The other day I tried everything to help me get to sleep and nothing was working. So finally I was just like we are sleeping and that’s it! Then my somniphobia decided to kick in and I honestly felt like I was having a panic attack. My stomach was in knots, I wanted to throw up, and it felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown and cry at any moment. After awhile of this, I somehow drifted to sleep. Then the dreams started. You ever have those dreams that felt completely real? You can feel everything that’s happening to you? Well this was one of those for sure.

The first dream, I was at a friend’s house. And for some reason I had to hide from his room-mate. I have no clue why because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Nothing would happen to me. But I don’t know I was scared and hid behind the door. I could feel my heart pounding and the panic growing as he approached the room. I could see his shadow grow in the light of the doorway as he was coming into the room.

And then that dream was over and we move onto the next. I was in my bed like I really was in reality. My mom came into my room was trying to wake me up. And, I don’t know, it was weird. She was just standing there looming over me. I could feel my heart pounding and her eyes boring into me, judging me. She’s always judging me.

Then onto the last dream. I was still in my bed like I was in actuality, and I could feel someone shake me. But like really focusing on the side of my ribs. I sleep on my side. I thought it was my dad trying to wake me up, which would mean there’d be an emergency because he would never do that. Then it started to hurt. It was really felt like it could bruise the way they were prodding my side, and I could really feel it. I felt how comfortable I was getting. Then I felt a body come next to me in the bed. They put one leg over mine and I couldn’t move. I felt uncomfortable and stuck. And I thought maybe my brother had come home to visit from the Marines, and that was what all the commotion was that I thought I heard downstairs. Then I try to say my brother’s name, and I realized I couldn’t breathe, because I was in a headlock. The person had me immobilized. I tried to scratch at their arm to let go, something, but it did nothing. I tried clawing at their face, and nothing. And I felt it, I felt clawing at their face and my panic. I desperately wanted to know who it was and I kept trying to talk but couldn’t. And I could actually feel myself trying to talk, and I could barely get any words out. I couldn’t breathe. And I knew I was making it worse, but all I had wanted was to find out who this person was. It was so scary and I could feel my frustration because I couldn’t do anything or know who this person was. It felt so real. I could feel myself desperately gasping for air to talk, desperately dig into their arm and face as it did nothing. I never was so panicked.

I woke up extremely startled. If I ever had a reason to be afraid of sleep, this was definitely one of them. I honestly thought someone was in the bed next to me, I honestly thought I was choking and that I was going to die. I naturally couldn’t go back to sleep after that. I just stayed up and had a Gilmore Girls marathon. I had to. I needed something good and comforting in my life.

I think with all the stress, and pressure I feel weighing me down, I just really want to go. I want to leave and run away from here. Just let me go. I just can’t take it anymore. I need to get away from how much I hate my job, my life, my family, and the possible ghost/dream strangler I have following me around. And if he does follow me to Australia, maybe there’d be a really great guy there to beat him up for me. Maybe.

Fantasy Makers Mascara Swatches

For Halloween, Fantasy Makers, by Wet n Wild, has come out with some colored mascaras. I bought 3 of the 4 and have swatched them to show how much color you will get on your lashes. They are $2.99 each, not bad. I always love colored mascara so I decided to give them a try. I will show them wearing black eyeliner and white eyeliner to show how much color shows up. For the black eyeliner I used Sugar Me-Ow liner in feline, and used Lime Crime Lunar Sea liquid eyeliner for the white. Please excuse my terrible eyebrows. I get very wolf girl, I let them grow out for too long. And please excuse how bad my liquid liner skills are. I’m trying, I’m just so impatient and my eyelashes are too long and curly. Always get in the way. So this time I tried being patient and holding down my eyelashes. Anyway, hopes this helps in your decision to buy!

Up At Dusk:

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Up At Dusk has to be my least favorite. I’m really disappointed in how much I actually had to apply to even see a hint of color. Surprisingly, you can the color better with the black eyeliner. I think this better for people with fair eyelashes, this would probably look amazing on them. For me, it was just a no. The color is kind like a lavender and I wish they went with a darker purple. It’s not bad but I really wanted the color to really show up. I like my colored mascara to be stronger.

Siren Song:

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Siren Song is a really nice blue. I really liked how bright this looked, not crazy bright, but still showed up a lot better than Up At Dusk. So I was happy this one. I really liked how it looked with the white eyeliner, really popped a lot more. I did have to apply a lot though to really see anything but not as much as Up At Dusk.

Green With Envy:

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Green With Envy is my favorite! I really love this one because I have a bunch of green mascara and none of them show up as well as this. It is such a nice green, I really love it! This one you don’t have to apply that much as the other ones. I’d say the normal amount of mascara you would put on you eyelashes. But I was happily surprised with how much this showed up. Green mascara has been the hardest one for me to get that you could actually see.

Overall, if you’re going to get one, get Green With Envy. That was the best one out of the ones I bought. Didn’t have to apply as much as the others and is one of the best green mascaras I’ve used. Other than that the mascara was just regular, didn’t see anything that different. My eyelashes are already really curly so I couldn’t tell if it helped with curl, I doubt it. The color just helps to show the length of your lashes but other than that, I don’t the formula does anything much to help your lashes.

Hope this helped in whether or not you should buy these and how they would look on your eyelashes. Check me out on Instagram: @thepurpleloba and my #uniquelyaveragebeauty for more beauty looks.

A Dream that Haunts: Part 3

That last we left Renee, she was attacked by a bat and nearly killed herself trying to get away. Then she had a strange dream about a man, a cave, and yes more bats. Left bed ridden in the hotel room to heal her wounds, let us see if Renee keeps her promise to Aleta, to stay away from any strangers….

A Dream that Haunts: Part 3

After Aleta left, I tried to go back to sleep. I really really did. I mean I was comfortable enough. I was still naked from last night, and I don’t usually sleep naked, but when you’re in a pretty fancy hotel with a bunch of nice sheets and comforters, it feels amazing. I was so comfortable until I wasn’t. My mind wouldn’t let my body rest. That dream was haunting me, those eyes that were fire staring into my soul.

UGGGHHHH

I flopped back against the pillows frustrated. I just wanted to sleep. I needed my rest if I ever was going to get better. And that flop backwards hurt more than I expected it to. I sighed deeply and picked myself up to sitting position. Time to watch a bunch of crappy daytime television.

After watching that for a couple of hours, I decided to do a round two of enjoying my soak in the claw foot tub. And there will be no opening of the windows that’s for sure. I tentatively got out of the bed, the towel I had grabbed last night on the floor. I picked it up and wrapped it around myself. I walked over, well more like limped, over to the bathroom, and went inside. I did the same routine like last night but this time I used two bath bombs. I needed a treat after I nearly killed myself and was so traumatized by this bat that it attacked me in my dreams.

I let the bath run a little hotter this time. I dropped my towel to the floor, and tried to examine the back of my legs. My calves had a purple line from where I hit the lip of the tub and the were a bunch of green and yellowing spots on my legs and parts of my thighs from crashing to the floor so hard. And waking up kicking and flailing doesn’t help either.

I got into the tub slowly, the heat washing over me as I sat down. I had to stop myself from moaning too loudly, even though I was alone, I still felt self-conscious. I leaned back and felt my whole body sigh. The heat was very soothing to my aches and pains right down to bone. I closed my eyes and moaned my contentedness to myself. It can’t heal everything but at least my legs weren’t throbbing.

I eventually nodded off and got my little nap. And of the darkness of my mind, those glowing eyes came floating in my head getting bigger and bigger and bigger….

I jerked up waking out of my sleep. Pink water sloshed and I scrambled to pull myself upright. My heart had jumped inside my chest and left the rest of my nerves on end. Ugh, what the fuck was wrong with me? I washed myself up and got out of the tub. I set it to drain and dried off with the towel. I went over to the sink and brushed my teeth. I went out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I got my luggage and looked for something to wear. I really was just going to stay in the room all day, it was such a struggle just to get to the bathroom. I opted for super comfy and chose a pair of black leggings, and an over sized sweater. It was long enough to cover my butt, and hung off the shoulders. The sleeves were long and I had to gather them up or else my hands were lost in them. I loved sweaters like this. So comfy and warm, big and baggy. Perfect stay in bed all day clothes. The sweater was turquoise and frayed a bit at the bottom. I struggled a bit but eventually got my Scary Spice curly-haired fro up into a high messy bun. Sometimes I just need all that craziness off of my neck. And now I was ready for crappy daytime television round two.

After wondering how much cheese a guest could put on that ratchet ass cracker, there was a knock at the door. Who was that now? Could it be Aleta? No, I saw her double-check for her key before she left. So she shouldn’t be knocking. Maybe it is a murderer. Do murderers knock? Even so, I’m not leaving this bed.

“Who is it?” I shouted at the door.

“Room service,” he yelled back. But I didn’t order any room service. At least I don’t think I did.

“Sorry, I didn’t call for any room service. You sure you have the right room?”

“Yes m’am, it’s the right room. The ladies from your church group ordered it up. I have the key, is it alright if I come in? They told me you were injured and don’t want you to move.”

Well it’s from my church group so I guess it’s alright. And it if it a murderer, he already has the key and can come in regardless. I guess Aleta had them send it up. I just wish she had called me to tell me first.

“Alright, you can come in.”

I felt like such an old lady covering up my legs with the sheets and comforters. I fluffed my pillows up behind me so I was sitting straighter. The door clicked open and the bell boy pushed the door open, backing into the room carefully. He was pulling the silver cart into the room as he walked backwards over towards me. The cart rattled with goods that cluttered the top of it.

“Okay, I brought up a folding table to place right next to you. We don’t want you moving a muscle.” He smiled at me and I smiled back. He reached down to the bottom of the cart and pulled out the wooden folding table. He was pretty cute and couldn’t help taking a peek at his tush. Whaaat? I’m injured not dead.

He was pretty cute, I noticed, with his short blond hair and green eyes. God were his eyes so pretty. His cheeks had a nice pink color to them when he smiled. And that smile…. could send me to pieces.

He got back up and slammed down the table, jerking me out of my thoughts. Could I be anymore embarrassing? He opened it in that one shot, and proceeded to take a silver tray off the cart, that was covered. He set in it on top of the folding table, and removed the cover with a flourish. On the plate was this huge burger, a plate fries, and two small silver cups filled with sauce.

“Here we have for you a western styled barbecue burger with bacon and onion rings, deluxe. A plate of honey and sea salt fries, and ketchup and barbecue sauce on the side.”

“Ooo, fancy.” I didn’t realize until then how hungry I was. And bacon, man did that bacon smell so good.

“Very, but no more fancy than the bottle of red wine they left you with. Very good for the blood I hear.”

He set next to the silver tray with a wine glass. I finally pulled my spinning head out of my fantasies to finally realize he had an accent.

“You have an accent,” I accused, looking at him through squinting eyes.

“Ah, yes I do try to hide it but when one is born in England, there’s only so much one can do. I do hope it is not alarming, and throwing you off. Would like me to change it?” His tone was very mocking and silly, but I couldn’t help but feel more embarrassed and my cheeks blaze. Well who needed makeup when you could just embarrass yourself enough to get a natural rouge? Just wished I had put on eyeliner. I’d feel more confident if I had my winged eyeliner on. They don’t call it war paint for nothing. How were you supposed to battle the day when you left your armor at home?

“Sorry, I must’ve hit my head harder than I thought. Didn’t mean to come off so blunt and rude,” I said hiding my burning face. Oh jeez, glad I was tan enough to hide how red my face was really getting.

“It’s ok,” he said, laughing a little bit.”How did you injure yourself anyway? And I did mean that to be as blunt as it sounded.”

He grinned at me and I couldn’t help but grin back. If I didn’t have a head sprain, I certainly had one now. He had turned me into a complete grinning idiot and it was all I could do to remember to answer the question. And my smile fell as I got really embarrassed again and felt like a complete idiot in the story I would have to give him.

“I was in the tub, and I heard this nose and I thought it was branch or something. So I went to open the window and a bat flew out and attacked me. And of course I panicked, walk/fell backwards out of the tub and slammed really hard onto the floor. Stupid, I know. Never opening a window again.”

I felt so embarrassed I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him.

“Are you alright? That had to be one hell of a fall.” His voice was very soft now, and his green eyes stared at me like he was studying me.

“Yeah, I’m ok I guess. My head seems surprisingly ok. I have been in this room all day so who knows if I would’ve collapsed by now or what. My legs are in pain. It’s all the bruising mostly. Kind of just limping. And my body feels like it was hit by a truck.”

“Well thank God for that. Do try to be careful. Can’t have our pretty guests face being ripped off by mad bats,” he said as he turned back to the cart. I blushed even harder. Ok, maybe I didn’t need my eyeliner.

“Here’s a pitcher of water, a bucket of ice, and a fresh glass. I’ll leave these on your beside table. Think these will be easy for you to get to?”

“Yes, thank you,” I said, completely shy. I was shutting down. I had no clue what to do, I am so not good at hot guys saying nice things to me. I just want to run and hide but he was ENGLISH for God’s sake I’d be a fool to pass this up. Or at least try in my own way.

“If you want any desert, just ring room service. I recommend the caramel ice cream sundae, myself. Very good. Oh, before I forget… Take these after you have eaten. I am afraid that’s all the hotel really has in terms of easing your pain.”

He’d taken a paper cup from the cart and handed it to me. It had two blood-red gel capsules in it. I don’t think I have seen any pain killers that were red. At least I think they’re pain killers. He started to push the empty cart towards the door and I panicked. I started to move the blankets and move out the bed.

“Please let me give you something before you go…”

“No, no, no, no, no,” he said really fast and rushed over to me. ” Please, don’t, you don’t have to.”

“But I really just want to give a small something. I mean I don’t have much…”

“No, stop it,” he said as started to help me back in bed. I moved faster than I thought and absentmindedly gripped his hand as a wave of nerve pain in my legs passed over me. I had closed me eyes and opened them to see him right in my face, his eyes so concerned. Wow, he had nice lips.

“You alright?”

“Uh huh….”

“See why you have to stay in bed. And I won’t stand to have you give me anything. Make sure you take those pills. May help. Even just a little.”

He finished tucking me into the bed, pushing the sheets and comforters into my sides, holding me prisoner. He started walking back towards the cart.

“Wait!,” I shouted nervously. “Uh, I don’t know your name or anything and you’re really nice… And I’m Renee. Um…” I started to fumble a bit at this point looking anywhere but at him and playing with the long sleeves of my sweater.  He then stalked over and held out his hand stiffly. I  shook it.

“Sir Edmund the third, of the royal guard, at your service,” he said and then did a sweeping bow with his bell boy hat and everything.

“Really?” I asked looking at him as if he couldn’t get any cuter or hotter or just anything.

“Nah,” he grinned, voice getting soft again. “Just having a laugh. I’m Mitchell. And you’re very sweet.” He hesitated. “Here’s my number if you should need anything. And if you want me to bring you something up, just ask for me. I don’t really do this except for the older ladies. They tend to tip better.” He looked at me from the corner of his eye, as he wrote his information down on the hotel notepad on the bedside table.

“Hey!” I yelled in protest.

“Only kidding, only kidding!” he said grinning and started walking toward the cart. “I shall be expecting a call, Miss Renee.” And with that he bowed, and went to open the door. He put himself through the door first, and then grabbed the cart and walked backwards out of the room. He gave me a nice wink before the door closed. I was just sitting there grinning like a fool.

I swooned, falling against my pillows, eyes full of visions of very cute British bell boys… Then my stomach rumbled. Girls gotta eat. Have to keep my curves healthy and round. My heart was already full of the really sexy Mitchell.

Oh, I could just die! I couldn’t wait to tell Aleta.


Sorry, I know this was a late one. With working half my schedule night shift, I have the sleeping pattern of someone trying to escape from jail. Hopefully I will post again this week as it will be a crazy one but I am determined! I’m starting to like my little story.

Thanks for reading and I hoped you liked it too. Don’t be afraid to comment and leave any notes you may have for me.

 

 

 

 

 

Jack Skellington Compact

Just in time for the Halloween season, I spotted a Jack Skellington compact at 5 Below. It was so cute I just had to pick it up and it was only $1!. Even so I was a little disappointed to find that the mirror is a bit warped but could I expect anything less from the Pumpkin King? A fun house mirror compact, oh well. You can still see yourself and I just like to have it to check on my lipstick or to see if I have eyeshadow all over my face. I can’t help but touch my face a lot, super bad habit. I mess up my own makeup.

Anyway, it’s still really cute and a great pick up for any Nightmare Before Christmas fan. Plus, who can really argue with a dollar? That being said, the inside is cherry flavored lip gloss. Not of any real quality and is more like the lip gloss I would use in middle school. Smells like that kind of fake lip gloss, and the glitter doesn’t even show up. It just goes on clear and has no taste either. It’s just like kid’s makeup. That had me a bit disappointed. But in the end I really don’t care because it was only a dollar and it’s still super super cute. And I cannot resist adding a compact to my collection.

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A Dream that Haunts: Part 2

Last week on A Dream that Haunts…. (I always wanted to say that!) Renee and Aleta arrive at fancy hotel in the middle of God knows where on a woman’s retreat with their church. Renee spots two guys carrying a coffin. WTF? What’s that about? We may or may not find out more. You’ll just have to read it to find out……

A Dream that Haunts: Part 2

After we put down our things in our room, we got something to eat, and off to our first meeting. It was an introductory one, telling us what we will be learning about the next week. There were a five other churches, but they had bigger groups than ours. This hotel had to be bigger than I thought.

But now we were back in our room, sitting on that bus all day and at the meeting, my butt was getting sore. My curves were not made for such abuse. I wanted to take a nice soak in the bathroom. They had a white claw foot tub with gold feet. Absolutely gorgeous. I always wanted to bathe in a claw foot tub.

Aleta flounced onto the bed, stretching out her long limbs.

“I’m going to take a hot bath. I wanna really enjoy it, so I might be awhile,” I said to Aleta who now had one arm across her face and her eyes closed.

“Alright lady, no problem. Take your time. I’ll be here. Taking a nap. Go forth and soak those buns, hun” she replied, without even looking up. I guess I wasn’t the only one that was tired and I smirked, walking towards the bathroom.

The rest of the room was just as beautiful, but I was focused on the tub. The bathroom was all white with gold trimmings and a few pale pink accents. They had small pink flowers in water on the sink, and it filled the room with a nice scent. I went toward the tub and started to turn on the water. I made sure the water was hot enough to soothe my pains but not hot enough to give me third degree burns. They had beautiful pink bath bombs and soaps. I dropped a bath bomb in, watching it fizz. I never used one of things either. This hotel is super chic, and I have no clue how the church was able to give us the rates they did. This had to cost more than it seemed.

Anyway, I started to undress, taking off my shirt and unbuttoning my skirt. I looked through the window that was right above the tub, to the moon outside. It was so beautiful how even a small piece of the moon could light up the whole night sky. It was night, the sky an unforgiving black. You could see a few stars hiding behind the tree branches. Little white lights, and red. Red? What the hell? I tried to peer as close as I could without actually getting into the tub. A little hard to do when the window was just above your head, and you don’t want anyone to see you naked. Not like anyone could, we were on the third floor, but still.

I tried to peer closer, standing on my tippy toes, knees pressing into the tub. The red dots didn’t really seem to be moving, until they were. And they were coming right at me! I quickly jumped down, my heart pounding. I stayed crouched, holding onto the tub, trying to catch my breath, my heart pounding a mile a minute. I had to get myself together. My butt was started to freeze.

Ok, what just happened? Nothing. You just saw two red dots move. I mean that could be anything. Like a plane or something. Just a really really really fucking small one. And it’s not like anything happened right? Right. I’m just a big scaredy cat that will get sick crouching naked because of seeing two red dots.

I slowly picked myself back up and slowly peaked at the window. See?! Nothing! Let’s get this bath thing going. I gingerly put my foot in the water, still a bit rattled. It felt really nice and I slowly put the rest of myself in. The water was a nice, soothing temperature, curing my body of being chilly and sore from all the sitting. The water was pink but after dipping my hair in the water, it slowly turned a dark pink and more purple. The dye from my purple hait was still a bit fresh and staining everything. I decided not to wash my curly hair tonight, I just needed my curls to reform.

After washing up, I sat there enjoying the comfort of the water. I never really used the tub much and claw foot tubs are what I want in my dream bathroom in my dream house. I know it’s silly but I love vintage things, they remind me old Hollywood glamour. It just seems so much more elegant and beautiful. I like modern things but sometimes I think I was born at the wrong time. But most times I think I’m exactly where I belong, purple hair wouldn’t work back in the day.

As, I let my mind wander, I just couldn’t help thinking about what they preached a little bit about today. It was just a little of what we’d be learning in the upcoming week. About our relationship with God and how to make it grow. That’s what I really want. A lot of the times I feel like I’m running away from God, like I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve a relationship with him or to be forgiven for anything. I always had this feeling that I didn’t deserve anything and that I always needed to be punished for things. I don’t know why I torture myself like this or want to. I do want to be happy but at the same time I’m really scared. And I guess I let the devil’s influence win over my thoughts. Sometimes I just can’t help but believe them. But I can’t feel guilty over nothing forever. I want to be happy and hopefully this retreat will help me see that.

A steady banging jerked me out of my thought. What the hell? I listened to see if it was Aleta, watching TV, probably Sons of Anarchy or something. There was always a shootout. But it seemed really quit on her end. BANG BANG BANG

My heart jumped inside my body, making my nerves stand on end. I gripped the edge of the tub. The only place it could be was the damn window. The damn window! I knew something was out there! But there can’t be anything out there cause that’s just fucking crazy, it’s all just really fucking crazy! It’s just a tree branch and you’re making it up, you’re making things up in your head to scare yourself. Ok, breathe, Renee, just breathe. In through the nose, and out through the mouth.

I started to shake a little and I really interested in my knees and how tan my skin looked next to the pink water. My were wide open, straining, staring at on spot until I didn’t know what I was looking at anymore. My whole braced for God only knows what.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

Alright! That was it! This tree branch had to motha fucking go! Stop being a little bitch, suck it up and see what the hell is going on outside this window. Otherwise there will be no more peaceful soaks in the claw foot tub. And nobody was taking that away from me! I had made my resolve. I was strong, I could freaking do this. I got up out of the tub, standing the lukewarm bath water. My hair stuck to my back, being wet, my curls seemed tame and wavy. Standing in the tub I was level with the little ledge the window was on. It was a small window with gold framing. I couldn’t see anything outside, not even glowing red dots. I stood on my tippy toes again, leaning on the wall so I could open the window. I was going to set this straight even if it killed me. I opened the window and immediately flew backwards covering my face.

I shielded my face with my arms. Something was attacking me. As it flew in my face, screeching, all I wanted to do was run as fast as I could. I started to step backwards, realizing too late my mistake. My body was so eager to get away, it hardly realized when I had no where to step back to. My feet slipped on the tub floor, my feet sloshing water everywhere. My calves felt the pain of the lip of the tub crashing into them, legs still scrambling out backwards and falling hard on my back. My head hit the tile floor with a thump I felt in my bones. If my body was cured of all its aches and pains before, they were certainly back with a vengeance. Double time. And I don’t think a hot soak in the tub would cure any of this.

My head was throbbing, and my vision was cloudy. Tears were coming out of my eyes, streaming down my face. My lungs hurt as I tried to recover the air I lost when I fell. I was scared for my legs. Did I break them? Was I bleeding? Did I have a concussion? Was I going to die like this? Everything really hurt, hurt so bad. My vision clouded over again.

I started to moan and whimper. My heart rate was slowing down. Why the hell did I just do that to myself? The pain was seeping into my bones, and everything hurt. I was scared to move just in case things were broken. I felt broken. Then I heard screeching. I almost forgot that things was here. I thought it flew back out or I don’t know. It flew in my face again and I screamed. I shielded my face and struck out at it. I finally hit it and it landed on the floor across from me. I scrambled backwards, the cold, wet floor harsh against my skin. My body was not happy with me but I had to get away from this thing. I back up by the door, and grabbed the white towel the was hanging on the hook on the door. I tried to cover myself the best way I could without moving too much. I am freezing, my wet hair sticking to my face. Then I finally look at it, the thing that practically killed me.

A black bat was on the floor of the white bathroom, fangs bared, wings extended, and two little red eyes. My eyes grew large and I tried to back up as far as I could into the wall. It hissed and screeched at me. Ahhh hell nah!

“GET OUTTA HERE!” I screamed at it, trying to shoo it away. The window was still open. “FUCKING LEAVE! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!” All it did was hiss at me, and came closer. There was no where left for me to scramble. I was scared as fuck, but I didn’t want to hurt it. It hadn’t really hurt me yet, at least I don’t think, and I really didn’t want to kill anything I didn’t have to. I tried to reach up and grab something off the sink. I wanted to make him go away, stun him, but not kill him. I found a toothbrush and threw it at him.

“GO AWAY!!!”

That only seemed to make it more mad, it screeched coming closer and I screamed. The door flew open, Aleta stood in the door frame.

“Renee, what the hell is…” her question trailed off and instead she just said,”What the fuck?”

Being the warrior she is, she stomped right over it, grabbed it up. Somehow she got in both her hands, holding the wings together, went over to the window, and flung it out.

“And stay out!” she yelled into the night sky and locked the window closed. She brushed her hands, as in good riddance, and looked around. She shook her head and saw me cowering on the floor.

“Jeez girlie, and here I thought you liked bats.”

“Only in cartoon form! Purely fictional sense. Not when they’re screeching at me and possibly trying to attack me!”

“I see what ya mean. Are you hurt? At first I heard a bang. That’s kind of what woke me up. And then you screaming. I don’t think I ever heard you scream that loud. Not even when we find dead mice in our apartment.”

“Yeah, I think I’m ok. I don’t know, I fell out the tub really hard and I hit my head. The back of my calves are killing me. That will probably bruise. I don’t know how hard I hit my head. But I’m not bleeding. At least I don’t think.” Aleta put her hand to the back of my head. Her hands came back clean.

“Well you’re not bleeding, thank God,” she said. I moved my arm to push back some my hair that had fallen in my face. She grabbed my arm. “Jeez, it scratched you!”

“Oh yeah, when it flew at me, when I opened the window, it clawed at me I guess. I busy screaming and falling out of the tub to remember. And I think those hurt the least.” Aleta looked over both my arms and they had a few scratches.

“Stay put,” she said as she got up and looked inside the medicine cabinet. She took out some rubbing alcohol and cotton swabs. She started cleaning them and it stung.

“They all seem pretty superficial to me, so I think this should be good. Try not to open anymore windows ok?” she said as smiled down at me, and smoothed back my hair. I smiled weekly back at her, shaking. She gave me a hug. “Come on I’ll help you get to the bed. I’ll order up some hot tea and I’ll clean the bathroom. I just want you to take it easy and don’t worry about a thing.”

She got up first and then slowly pulled me off the floor. Everything in my protested. When I got to me feet, my vision swam, and got dizzy. Aleta was by my side, and quickly grabbed my waste as I started to veer off sideways, ready to go back down. I just really wanted to go to sleep. Aleta held me close to her side and we made the slow walk to the bed. Thank God mine was the first bed right by the bathroom. She walked me to the bed as I limped pitifully. She leaned me against the wall as she rolled down the comforter and sheets of the bed. I really wanted to lay down and felt out of it. My vision was clouding up again and it was all I could do from fainting.

I must have looked pitiful or made some sort of noise. Aleta rushed over to prop me up on her side. My head fell one way. My energy was gone out of my and she had to drag me and place me into the bed.

“Am I going to die?” I asked her as she fixed me in the bed, tucking the sheets back over me.

“Can you not bed so gloomy for one minute? And you know that I would never let that happen to you. So stop your worrying. The only thing you need to worry about is getting better.”

“But that’s what it feels like. Am I far? Far off? Or far away? My head hurts really bad,” I said as my head swam. Everything felt funny and I tried to move but couldn’t do it properly. It felt like everything was in slow motion. My senses were failing on me. How bad did I hit my head?

“Alright, alright, Renee you’re fine. It’s ok, you don’t have to do anything just rest,” Aleta said as she pinned my body in one place. “Just relax. You need your rest.” She started to pet my hair with her hand and hummed a song. As she sang something I couldn’t figure out in my jumbled mine, and her hand smoothing my hair a soothing feeling, I started to relax. I don’t even realize I fell asleep…


It was so black and dark, I couldn’t see anything. I felt myself keep blinking, blinking against the darkness, my eyes straining to see. A torch-light erupted and I could see the bright flame illuminate one small piece of wherever I was. I was afraid to move, but I had to figure out where I was. I moved closer to the wall, and realized it wasn’t. I never been in a cave before, but I figured this is what one may look like. The tan wall were rough and dipped overhead in different places.

There was a flutter and another torchlight lit up and I ducked and covered my face. Great more fucking bats. The little space I was in was like a little room. A cave room I guess. But there was a corner that was still dark, a hall way to God knows where. And I definitely didn’t want to find out. I shivered. Why was I cold? And I looked down to see only beads covering my chest. Sure it was a good amount of beaded necklaces, but a girl could catch pneumonia this way. And I was wearing tan flaps that covered the front and back, held together with string on the side. What the hell?

I could feel my hair all the way down my back, so long and curly. It was in all it’s glory, and black. My hair was a huge halo around my face. I wished it looked this good all the time, or was actually this long.

More bats flew and screeched above, some flying to who knows where, and others stopping to hang upside down. My heart jumped and I really started to get nervous. How was I going to get out of here?

“Renee…”

I squealed and jumped nearly ten feet in the air, my back hit the wall of the cave.

“Don’t be afraid,” said the voice. It was a really deep masculine voice. It practically boomed off the cavernous walls.

“Who are you? Where the hell are you?” I was really shaking now. I was looking around and I couldn’t see, I just couldn’t tell where the voice was coming from.

In the blackness of the shadow in the corner, a mans’ head appeared. His skin was pale white and flames flickered in his eyes. His hair was black and wavy. A black curl formed right above his eye. He smiled at me, but I did not feel comforted by it at all.

“What do you want?” I asked, raising my voice. I wanted to sound stronger than I was and I think I was failing.

“Come here, Renee,” he said. He held out a pale hand, the rest him clocked in the darkness.

“No! Why the hell would I do that? Who are you, and how do you know my name?”

“You don’t remember?” he asked, his voice had a bit of an accent. His eyes were boring into mine.

“No, should I?”

“You honestly don’t remember me?” he asked again, his face was searching mine. For what I had no clue. And I was getting colder by the minute.

“How am I supposed the remember someone I never met? Just tell me who you are.”

He bowed his dead in disappointment. He started to fade further into the background.

“I never forgot you,” he said as he lifted his face and those eyes stared unblinking into mine.

“Wait! Who the hell are you? Wait!” I screamed at him. But he was gone, those fire lit eyes the last to go. I felt a shiver as his voice whispered in my ear, “I never stopped loving you…”

A bat came swooping out of the dark lit corner and straight towards my face. I put my hands up to shield my face as I screamed…


 

I screamed and screamed and kicked the air. My legs were tangled around something as I thrashed the air. I was clawing and batting and moving at anything. Arms grabbed me and held mine down but I still kept moving, thrashing.

“It’s alright, it’s alright! Renee, it’s alright! You’re alright you just had a bad dream! You had a bad dream that’s all now stop! Stop moving it’s me!”

I stopped moving, my hair strewn across my face, my breathing was erratic. I looked up at Aleta, her big sea green eyes searching my face.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s ok, you’re ok. What the hell happened? I never known you to have nightmares,” she said as she moved to sit next to me and moved the hair out of my face.

“I don’t know, it was really weird. I was in a cave and I wasn’t wearing much, at all. My hair was beautiful tho.”

“Always a plus.”

“Then there was this man, and I couldn’t see much of him. He was in the dark and I could only see his head, and he said that he knew me but I never met him. I’m trying to think if it was just some hot actor guy popping up in my dream but I don’t know him from anywhere. I never seen him before. And there was bats again. And he said he never stopped loving me and a huge bat attacked me. Flew in my face.”

Aleta just looked at me, her face was full of concern.

“What? What is it? Do you know what my dream means or something? Is it bad?”

“No no, silly. It’s nothing.” Aleta looked away, and looked back at me. “Have you met anyone and haven’t told me about it?”

“What do you mean?…..”

“I don’t know…. Just anyone. Anyone strange? Any guys you’ve been talking to?”

“No, and no. And of course I’d tell you. You’re my only friend. What the fuck is going on?”

“Nothing,” she said and smiled down at me. “I just want to make sure you’re ok. Listen, you stay in bed today ok? When I’m gone, don’t open the door for anyone, maybe just for room service if I can’t bring lunch to you. I just want you to relax ok?”

“Okaaayy….. Whatever you say.”

“Good,” she said as she hopped off the bed. “I’m going to shower, and clear the room of bats.” She grinned at me as she walked to the door, and I stuck my tongue out at her. As she was showering, I tried to figure out what she meant. Something was definitely up and she wasn’t telling me. But what?


That is all for now folks. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this weeks chapter. Please don’t be afraid to like and leave any kind of feed back you may have for me. All is appreciated. And feel free to look around! But you break it, you buy it!